


The Confusing John-John!

by SkyDether



Category: Constantine (TV), Constantine: The Hellblazer (Comics), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), Happy! (TV 2017), Hellblazer, Hellblazer & Related Fandoms
Genre: Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Animal Sacrifice, Astral Projection, Ball Gag, Bestiality, Bisexual John, Bisexuality, Blood Drinking, Blood Kink, Blood Magic, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Bonding, Breaking Celibacy Vows, Breaking Vow of Chastity, Breast Fucking, Burlesque, Catholic Guilt, Catholic Imagery, Comfort, Crossdressing, Cutting, Deception, Demonic Possession, Dog sex, Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, Exorcisms, Face-Fucking, Flash Fic, Forced, Humor, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Interracial Relationship, Kidnapping, Kitchen Sex, Knifeplay, Leashes, Loss of Virginity, MILFs, Magic, Masterbation, Masturbation, Memory Alteration, Mild Blood, Multi, Multiple Orgasms, Mutual Masturbation, Non-Consensual, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Nuns, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Prostate Orgasm, Psychic Bond, Puppy Play, Roman Catholicism, Seduction, Self-Harm, Self-Sacrifice, Sex Magic, Sexual Coercion, Shapeshifting, Soul Bond, Stripping, To Be Continued, Transvestite, Virginity Kink, Voyeurism, animal orgy, beastiality, dog rape, gagging
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-06-24 12:58:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15631146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyDether/pseuds/SkyDether
Summary: After accidentally assaulting Preacher Jesse Custer, John Constantine has sworn off The Dark Arts forever again.(This story starts where "You Can't Trust Hitler" left off)To keep the wolves at bay and Silk Cuts in his pocket, he turns to magic once again.Only this time the magic is light, very light.**NOTE:  Chas Chandler/John Constantine = Ch. 3***NOTE: Happy! first appears in Ch. 8****NOTE:  John Constantine/Papa Midnite = Ch. 9





	1. Hellhound (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Constantine embarks on a new career.  
> Trouble continues to find him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song: "Purple Haze" by The Cure (Jimi Hendrix cover)
> 
> lately things don't seem the same,  
> actin' funny but I don't know why  
> 'scuse me while I kiss the sky.
> 
> don't know if I'm coming up or down.  
> Am I happy or in misery?  
> Whatever it is, that girl put a spell on me.
> 
> don't know if it's day or night,  
> you've got me blowing, blowing my mind  
> is it tomorrow or just the end of time?
> 
> Help me, yeah, Purple Haze

**What the hell is this?**  
The bartender at The Murky Clam frowned at The Confusing John-John's new business card.

 **That's the right number mate.**  
**"Chaz The Bloke" does all my bookings.**  
John Constantine downed his gin  & tonic and lit a cig.

 **Jesus man, if I didn't see you with those cards myself, I'd think you were completely insane!**  
**You better not show up stinking drunk.**  
**My ex is going to bust my balls enough as it is.**  
**My kid's really into that Harry Potter shit.**  
Dwight put the card in his pocket and refilled Constantine's glass.

**No worries, I'm a professional.**  
**I always do whatever it takes.**  
**Cheers.**

===========================

 **Put that out!**  
**You can't smoke in front of the children!**  
Scolded Dwight's ex-wife and John's boss for the day.

 **Sorry luv, just one more drag.**  
Constantine sucked hard on his fag.

**Ehw, have you been drinking?**

**Not yet.**

**Here, have some coffee for Christ's sake.**  
**Just keep your distance from the kids.**  
**I'll come and get you when we're ready.**

**'ta**

John Constantine enjoyed his traditional breakfast of a silk cut and black coffee in Dwight's former kitchen.  
His cigarette began to taste like burning hair (never a good sign).  
He heard a strange clicking sound, turned in his chair and looked down.

**Well hullo there precious.**  
**Aren't you just a bundle of cuddles.**

The gray/white dog sat at John's feet completely still and stared into John's gorgeous, blue, bloodshot eyes. He bent closer to the dubious dog and blew a big cloud of smoke into its face. No reaction, not even a blink. He wasn't much practiced in reading animals, but John focused and the creature's aura appeared before him. He saw black holes swirling in the tiny red aura. He wasn't sure what it meant but he knew it meant trouble. Keeping his eyes fixed on the pooch, he tugged his tie down, opened his shirt collar and pulled out his St. Christopher's medal. 

**_CHOMP!!!_**  
It sunk its evil little needle teeth into Constantine's elegant ankle, tearing through his favorite pair of Scott Disick socks!  
He jumped up!  
The table upended and crashed to the floor!  
Various kiddie snacks exploded all over the kitchen.  
He stomped and stumbled into the living room with the beast snarling and tightening its grip.  
Dwight came running in and booted the hellhound!  
The hairball went flying, smashed into the wall and ran out the back door whimpering.  
John and Dwight collapsed onto the sofa.

**Cute pooch.**  
**I've always had a way with the doggies.**  
**Sorry about that mate.**

**Ah, you did me a favor.**  
**I've wanted to kick that mongrel since Denise brought it home.**

**$200 socks by the way.**

The two chums chuckled while John's bloody wound trickled down into Denise's new rug.

Our fearless demon hunter went into the yard of screeching, jumping kids. He limped over to the grill being manned by Denise's new Pharmacist boyfriend, Bill. Dwight had regaled John with tales of his douch-bagery on far too many occasions (everything's got a price). The smell of roasting, chemical hotdogs turned his hungover stomach and he tried not to frown.

**Best dogs in the county!**  
**Gotta fuel up before the show right?**  
Bill handed him one with a friendly grin.

**'ta**

John peered around at the party, trying to locate "Gobber" before he attacked one of the sticky kids. He dodged twirling brats and made his way to the woods at the edge of the yard. He chucked the bun and squished the greasy hotdog in his fist. After his first encounter with the canine elemental Norfulthing, Constantine had done his best to steer clear of all dogs. He tried not to think about Astra or being raped by an enormous dog dick. He _jumped!_ when he felt a tug at his coat!

 **Hey who are you?**  
**Are you one of those stranger dangers?**  
**My teacher told me not to talk to you if you are.**

**Take it easy kid, I'm just the birthday magician.**

**Where's your costume?**

**This IS my costume.**  
**Go back to the party now, it's not time for the show yet.**  
He glared at the kid to try and shoo him away.

The kid followed him.  
**Hey mister, your leg's bleeding.**

 **I'm fine chum.**  
**I just lost my bunny.**  
**Go on now.**

 **Bunny!!**  
**Hey everybody the magic guy lost his bunny!!**

A herd of germy, candy smeared cherubs came skipping over at our reluctant hero. _Bloody hell!_ He backed up with his hands in the air, still holding the frankfurter. His keen senses told him the unholy beast was lurking nearby, ready to strike at any moment!

 **Hey, you kids have to get away from 'ere right now!**  
**You don't want to startle Buttercup, he's a nasty piece o' work!**

The kids squealed and giggled and jumped around.

_I don't have time for this._  
John put his bag down and turned around, holding his coat closed.  
His eyes rolled up as he whispered . . .  
**_tempus viginti cuniculums_**

The Confusing John-John spun around and opened his trench coat with a flourish!  
20 fluffy baby bunnies of every color came bouncing out of his coat!

The delighted children squealed and chased after the hopping fluff balls.

Constantine wasted no time and limped into the woods.  
He held out his wiener and traced the dark energy of the possessed pet.

The smash hit party was winding down and there was no sign of the wonderful wizard.  
**Where'd he go?**  
**What are we supposed to do with all these rabbits?**  
Just as Denise said the words, the bunnies all vanished!

Denise and Bill looked at Dwight with what could only be described as, respect.

_to be continued . . ._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg - I can't stop laughing. Too cute!  
> My favorite scenes from the Constantine show were when John snuck into the funeral and tried to act like a normal person.  
> I will add tags and characters as they come up.
> 
> tempus viginti cuniculums = temporary 20 rabbits


	2. Hair of the Dog (Hellhound 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **"OK - here we go.**  
>  ConMan took a deep breath and grimaced as he stuffed the fur into his mouth."  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by "Vato" (clean) by Snoop Dogg  
> (feat. B-Real)
> 
> Run, Run, Run, Run  
> (Plow)
> 
> What's seen is what's sawn, Dogg is the law,  
> Talking bout they gon get my chain and they gon leave with it.  
> Vato you won't believe what they saw,  
> I saw these pack of guys and they act real hard  
> He said: I dont give I’m Snoop Doggy Dogg

==============================

_John's head bobbed._

_His strong, lean legs churned._

_Blood pumped through warm, tight muscles._

_He inhaled huge gulps of misty air._

_The air filled his pink lungs and fueled his racing body._

_His bare feet barely hit the sidewalk._

_Constantine hadn't run like this since he was a teenager, running from the cops with a skateboard in his hand._

_He shook his endorphine-filled head and slobber flew from his long tongue._

_His runner's high seemed like it would never end . . ._

==============================

 **You stole their dog!**  
**Damnit John!**  
**How do you manage to constantly fuck up in new ways?**  
Chas lifted the small, slumbering Gobber out of John's bag.

 **Well I couldn't leave it there with all those kids could I?**  
**Besides, I'm fairly certain the real Gobber is roadkill somewhere.**  
**I fuckin' hate elementals.**  
**Creepy wankers.**

 **Well, we have to save it if we can and get it back to Denise.**  
**It bit you?**  
He winced at the odor wafting up from the beast.

 **Yeah, thanks for reminding me.**  
John limped to get a drink.

Chas gingerly put the smelly furball on the couch. He fetched the first aid kit, sat down and pulled John's wounded ankle to his knee. When he opened the white box, there weren't any bandages inside. The box was stuffed with little mysterious vials, twigs, baggies of dust and prescription bottles. He held up a bottle, hoping to at least find antibiotics but it was percocet.

 **Cheers! That's just the cure I need.**  
John downed 3 pills with a gulp of beer.

**Elemental or not, you have to go and get a rabies shot.**

**I'm not going to any bloody hospital.**  
**Just hand me that purple tin there.**

 **No, this is serious John.**  
**You need real medical treatment, not this horseshit!**

Chas practically carried John to his cab and stuffed him inside. Hospitals were nothing but bad news and full of dark spirits and ghosts but the big guy had a healthy fear of rabies. He and John had witnessed a horrible death from the incurable virus when they were called to perform an exorcism on an infected woman. Her medial condition had been mistaken for demonic possession. Throughout history, exorcisms have been performed on people in the last stages of rabies. Symptoms of the two afflictions are identical:

irritability  
aggitation  
excessive movements  
confusion  
hallucinations  
aggressiveness  
bizarre/abnormal thoughts  
muscle spasms  
abnormal postures  
seizures & convulsions  
weakness or paralysis  
extreme sensitivity to bright lights, sounds, or touch  
increased production of saliva or tears  
difficulty speaking  
double vision  
facial contortions  
abnormal breathing  
foaming at the mouth

**What in the bloody hell is that?**  
John and Chas returned from the hospital to a wrecked main room.

 **Um, that would be your underwear - all over the place.**  
Chas looked around at the destruction and frowned.

 **Elemental vermin!**  
**My foundation tailor just retired!**  
**What am I supposed to do now?**  
John cradled a pair of his chewed up knickers like a wounded bird.

 **Fuck your underpants!**  
**Look at my hat!**  
Chas picked up his slobber covered, torn up hat with two fingers.  
**Wait a minute - you have an underwear tailor?**

 **Of course.**  
**The ladies never seem to care but the blokes - they can be quite finicky when it comes to threads.**  
**I remember this one time in the loo at Paddington Station, this . . .**

**John!**  
**Stop!**  
**Please!**

The unnatural animal had managed to escape after ransacking the place. Chas grabbed his cattle prod (his new favorite toy) and went out to try and find it while John cooked up a plan to deal with the hairy monster. After about an hour, Chas came back to find John in the kitchen - a rare sight indeed. He was frying up some kind of unholy stench burger.

Constantine wrapped his snack of banishing in some newspaper and stuck it in his pocket. Foul odors drifted up from his finely tailored trousers. The cooking magician did not think his partner would be able to find Gobber and had scraped a wad of matted, gray fur off of a rug. The amateur dog catchers prepared to pierce the canine veil for the first time. They embarked on a journey into the unknown, once again.

 **OK - here we go.**  
ConMan took a deep breath and grimaced as he stuffed the fur into his mouth.  
Our brave/foolish hero braced his magnificent body and nodded to Chas.  
He jabbed John's hip with the high voltage electric prod!  
John twitched and collapsed! . . .

. . . **Stop driving like a grandpa!**  
**I can't freaking breathe in here!**  
John opened more buttons on his shirt and stuck his head through the window of Chas' cab.

 **Just settle down over there and tell me where to go.**  
They stopped at a red light on a dark street in "downtown" Houma.*  
John suddenly leapt out of the car and disappeared down an alley!

John heard barking and the sound of metal chains rattling as he swam up through a soupy void to consciousness. He couldn't breathe through his mouth and his pulse throbbed in his throat. His head was vibrating and his vision was blurred. He tried to get up but was jerked to the ground! Zip ties were bound around his ankles and his wrists were tied behind his back! His shoulder slammed onto the cement floor and he gasped at intense pressure on his delicate neck. The shocked prisoner grunted behind his ball gag and thrashed around violently!

Completely exhausted and sweaty, he sat back and looked around at his prison. His vision was still smeared and he felt the familiar brain melt from heavy sedatives. He moved his head around and winced at the dulled pain on his soft throat. A thick chain hung from a leather collar around his elegant neck and was attached high on the cinderblock wall of his cell.

Constantine managed to inchworm his way to the cage door and saw other cells across from him. Inside he could make out dark figures slumped in their own cages and tried to shout at them through his ball gag. The lumps of flesh did not respond. He knew it was no use, but he tried to recite a few escape spells. Zip ties were the worst inventions law enforcement had come up with in years.

A wave of dizziness crashed over his drugged brain and he lost it again!  
He bucked with rage and let out more muffled screams for Chas.  
The blonde captive strained against his leash, trying to pull it free from the wall and nearly choked himself out!  
The chain rattled loudly and clanged against the cement bricks.

A thick rusty door squealed open and he heard heavy footsteps.  
Two shadows approached the front of John's kennel door.

**Ooooh! He IS beautiful!**  
**Bravo Manuel!**  
**Where ever did you find him?**

 **He came to us last night.**  
**But be careful Maestro.**  
**He's got a lot of fight left in him.**

Constantine's new "Master" opened the door and cautiously approached him.  
John focused on the syringe the man was holding and backed away as best he could.

 **Why hello there precious.**  
**You will be my new top showpup!**  
He cooed and clicked his tongue.  
Constantine flinched when the freak patted his blonde tresses.

Maestro put the needle between his teeth and slid his thick hands into John's torn, dirty shirt.  
John panted heavily and grunted as the pervert stroked his creamy, moist skin.  
His heart pounded in his heaving chest and he moaned in fear.

Constantine lunged forward and slammed his forehead into Maestro's chin!  
But the flamboyant Mexican was not fazed and stood up.  
The impact stunned John and he desperately clung to shred of consciousness.

 **We'll begin his training manana.**  
**Make sure he gets his rest.**  
**I don't want him bruising himself too much.**  
**He's going to be a hard cookie to crack.**  
**I will call him Galleta Pequena.**  
**Chip him.**  
Maestro handed the needle to Manuel and sauntered away.

Manuel fetched a chair and pulled John up.  
He slumped "Cookie' over his lap and yanked John's fine, muddy pants down.

Little Cookie squirmed and grunted with wild eyes but the hulking Mexican was very strong.  
He jabbed the needle into Constantine's bright white ass cheek, right under his goofy Christmas tree tattoo!  
The plunger slid down, delivering the locator microchip and another big dose of special K into our captive hero.

Galleta's stunning blue eyes pinned and rolled.  
**Good night Gaa_hh_lll_eta___ Pequ _hen_ya__a__ ah__hhh___hhhh . . ._**

After fruitlessly searching for our stray hero most of the night, Chas dug into John's bag and pulled out an ancient Egyptian scarab adorned with emeralds. He opened the small locket compartment under its shell and placed a yellow lock of Constantine's hair (a staple ingredient) inside. He held his hand outside of the car window and opened his fist. His palm began to itch and the golden bug glowed green. He watched wide eyed as it unfurled six golden legs and stretched its ornately carved wings. It began to buzz and vibrate loudly and spiraled into the air.

Chas now hung HIS head out of the window and followed it as best he could. He eventually lost sight of it but heard the sound of dogs barking in the distance. He came upon an isolated warehouse. He watched as several large dogs were taken inside and heavy sacks brought out. It was too dangerous to attempt to go inside alone and he went for backup.

 **We've been trying to locate Perry's Perro Pit for years!**  
Houma's animal cop brigade sprung into action and Chas lead the way.

Meanwhile, John Constantine fell back into his ketamine induced k-hole. He never could have predicted the effect animal tranquilizers would have in such a situation. His primal psychic canine connection deepened and he lost himself in the evil elemental's world again. He relished in the powerful, pumping muscles of the animal racing through the streets.

He tried to separate his consciousness from the beast and figure out where it was but he could only see the sidewalk zooming underneath him and knees and shoes dodging out of his way. The sensation of exercise and full healthy lungs released endorphins in his body and his consciousness slipped deeper into the doggie dream world.

Gobber/John was leading a pack of stray dogs back to the warehouse. He was bringing more slaves to the dark dog fighting ring. The elemental hungered for more violence and tortured canine souls to consume. John's magic had attracted the largest pack Perry's had ever seen!

They raced and romped around inside a large enclosure as the criminals captured and leashed them one by one. John was in a frenzy of instincts and heightened senses and his powers amplified the intense energy of the swirling sea of wildlife. Dogs of every kind began to run in a circle around Gobber/John. They howled and chomped and scratched and sniffed at each others' naked bodies.

The crazed herd tapped into John's insatiable libido and erupted into a depraved dog orgy!  
Dogs humped each other mercilessly!  
Sires fucked bitches.  
Bitches humped bitches.  
Sires fucked Sires.

Some of the bigger dogs tackled two of the handlers, shredded their clothes to smithereens and raped the screaming men with abnormally huge dog dicks! In the center of it all, our John Constantine fought tooth and nail to extract his essence from the hellhound and the insane beastial porno scene!

His humanity was losing its battle with the demon hiding in his soul and he tunneled deeper and deeper into his K-hole. He dug and dug into his lizard brain like he was trying to find his most favorite bone. All of his senses were exploding and his brain pumped adrenaline, hormones and endorphins into his demonic bloodstream. His bound corporeal body writhed around on the filthy floor of his kennel.

Gobber/John felt limitless freedom in his wild nakedness

All inhibition and reason shedded away

John shook his blonde mane, his tongue hanging and slobbering

His strong jaw snapped and chomped at anything that came near

Everywhere he turned he was flooded with a new smell, sound or desire

Waves upon waves of _HEAT_ crashed over him

His sensitive nose was assaulted with powerful primitive pheremones

 _HEAT HEAT HEAT HEAT HEAT_ was all he felt

Galleta's head was bursting with raw nasty energy

 _SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX_ was his only thought

He launched high into the air on powerful hind legs onto the writhing mass of horny strays and lost pets

Cookie crawled over the heaving pile of pooches

There was no shame as his huge raging dog erection rubbed on every animal he came near

He was driven by deep, intense mating instincts towards the largest Alpha Male in the bunch

He leapt upon the huge hound's back, dug his claws in and . . .

 **My, how low you have fallen this time.**  
Manny folded his wings, stepped into John's cell and removed his gag.

Our powerful wizard was lying on his side, panting and thrusting his hips.  
His craven erection would not be tamed and his spent body relentlessly dry orgasmed over and over.

John heard Manny's voice and was able to gain some of his senses back.  
**Make it stop!**  
**_Help!_**

 **I've given you all the help you need.**  
The angel frowned in disgust and vanished.

 **Get back here and fuck me you asshole!**  
John shook his head, moaned and sobbed.

Outside, the animal cops saw the two men being attacked and fired into the enclosure! Dogs yelped and exploded with bloody gunshot wounds! A bullet blasted through the tail of the elemental and thankfully broke the psychic, primal connection. John's magic disappated and the pack of wilding dogs calmed down and collapsed with whining exhaustion.

John clung to Chas until he stopped trembling.

 **C'mon, let's get you home.**  
Chas gently started to walk John out to the car.

 **No, I have to finish this.**  
**Where did they take them?**

Although he was not really physically harmed, he felt deep trauma.  
His thoughts turned to Jesse.

The paranormal pair made their way to the SPCA.  
John leaned against Chas in the cab.  
All of the windows were rolled up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea why I wanted John to be a dog.  
> That was really weird.  
> I think human pups are just adorable though.  
> Thank you to "Pup Wiggles" from periscope for sharing his puppy times with us!  
> Chipping him came out of nowhere, but I love the idea that he now has a chip in his ass.  
> Why do I just want to own him and brand him and leash him?  
> Years ago I became briefly fascinated with rabies and researched it a lot. It's so terrible!  
> I pictured Luis Guzman from Boogie Nights when I wrote Maestro.
> 
> *Weird Note:  
> I actually lived in Houma, Terrebonne Parrish, LA for two years. It's like being on an alien swamp planet.  
> The sign when you come into town says "Halliburton Welcomes You To Houma".


	3. Don't Call Me Francis (Chas/John) (Hellhound 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **"How did we come to this arrangement again?"**   
>  **"It seems like you've been sleeping in here forever."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song: "Your Woman" by White Town  
> I always thought he said "A Woman" - that makes more sense to me.  
> To me it's about a straight guy stringing a gay guy along.  
> The gay guy is in love and the straight guy is just lonely and using him for comfort until he finds a new girlfriend.  
> So I changed it:
> 
> I could never be the right kind of girl for you  
> I could never be a woman
> 
> Is it in your genes  
> I don't know 
> 
> Well I guess what they say is true  
> I could never spend my life with a man like you
> 
> Why did you play me this way

**Whoa!**  
**What the hell is this?**  
**It's not another trick is it?**  
John Constantine pulled a puppy out of his pocket and handed it to Dwight across the bar.

 **It's for your kid mate!**  
**Trust me, she's a much better dog.**  
**I vetted her myself.**  
John pulled out a lint roller and ran it all over his coat . . .

Earlier, after Chas rescued him from the underground pound, ConMan tracked down the elemental impersonating Gobber. They found the beast in the SPCA; chained up and pumped full of drugs. John had a new sympathy for the animal's plight and decided to rescue one. He selected the dog with the best aura to replace the one he stole from the birthday party.

Constantine recited a few binding spells around "Gobber" and tossed it into the animal crematorium. His deep psychic connection with it haunted him and he was glad to see the vile thing burn. It had showed him a deep, brutal, primal part of himself that he never wanted to see again.

As John watched it turn to ash he got a vision of a tall, handsome, brunette man with tears rolling down his pale face.  
He looked to his right and froze for a moment.

 _Over 1,000 miles away, a tall brunette executive watched his father's cremation with tears rolling down his face._  
_He got a vision of a scruffy, handsome, blonde man in a tan trench coat and a rumpled, red tie._  
_He looked to his left and froze for a moment._ *

 **. . . She really is cute.**  
**It's worth a shot, thanks.**  
**You left quite an impression by the way.**  
**A bunch of moms asked for your number.**  
Dwight tied the dog's leash behind the bar and gave her some water.

John hung around "The Murky Clam" till closing but wasn't able to charm any of the warm bodies available. He was off his game in more ways than one and still dry as a bone. Finally, Dwight gave his friend a lift home. The puppy napped in John's lap while he napped in the car.

**The Legendary John Constantine.**  
**Fearless Demon Hunter and Master of the Dark Arts.**  
**The man who conned the Devil and made God kiss his ass.**  
**The Laughing Magician, is afraid to sleep alone.**  
**If they only knew.**  
Chas looked at his bedroom door and shook his head.

 **Nobody knows me like you do.**  
John stood in his borrowed, too big boxers and white t-shirt, with his favorite blanket in one hand and a G &T in the other.

 **I'm not so sure that's a good thing.**  
Chas sat up in his bed.

 **C'mon, we have a deal.**  
**We're both home, alone.**  
John puppy pouted.

 **Alright, just stay on your side and no smoking. I mean it John!**  
He flopped the blanket open on the empty side of the bed and rolled over.

Our traumatized blondie grinned like a toddler and hopped into Chas' comfy, warm bed. He popped two white pills, gulped down his drink and snuggled in with his wubby. He let out a long stress filled sigh and turned to look at the back of his bestie's large head.

 **How did we come to this arrangement again?**  
**It seems like you've been sleeping in here forever.**

 **Gary's still in my room, holding the hunger demon, remember?**  
John looked a little worried.

 **Oh yeah, when are you going to fix that?**  
Chas, exhausted from days of hunting snoop doggy john, floated off to sleep.

A tear rolled down John's cheek as his mind drifted to the past . . .

John had always been a bad sleeper. He suspected it started in his mother's womb after he killed and consumed his twin brother. He committed his second murder shortly after, when he killed his mother during childbirth. His entire life he felt alone, cursed and bad. He never knew the tender touch of a mum. He was nothing but an object of abuse and blame for his father and a burden to his sister. His lost, soft, soul constantly craved comfort and his lonely heart leapt at love but the killer inside of him strangled any happiness that he found. These were the terrifying truths that haunted him at night and kept him awake.

When he was a young man he did not have such clarity and insight. He only knew that picking up birds, getting wasted and playing music in clubs felt good and that anywhere was better than home. After the incident in New Castle he spent months bouncing around from bed to couch to floor to train. He managed to not spend a single night alone for nearly a year before his charm finally ran out.

John Constantine felt like he had gone through every single girl in England and they all despised him. He was sitting in an empty club one Tuesday night when he finally gave into one of the many chaps who were constantly hitting on him. That desperate night, he experimented with E and Eric for the first time. He was amazed at how naturally the unnatural sex came to him. For a while he thought he had found the answer to all of his problems. John fell hard for the equally needy Eric and immersed himself in the codependent gay relationship. In the end, it fell apart like everything else and men just became another drug he enjoyed from time to time.

Over the years John's fetish matured into a refined taste for Daddies. They nearly filled his every gaping need. He found it more and more difficult to ignore his intense attraction to Chas, the Daddiest of all the Daddies he had ever known. Chas never showed any romantic interest in men whatsoever and John did his best to be kind to the women the big guy occasionally brought home.

 **Bekah, please, this is crazy.**  
Chas pulled his mysterious girl in for a tight hug.

**You know this is how it has to be.**  
**I won't break my vows like that.**  
**Please understand and wait just a little longer.**  
She pulled away and sat on the edge of Chas' bed.

 **You're just afraid.**  
**I have very powerful friends.**  
**We can keep you safe from that bastard husband.**  
**I want to be with you, all of you.**

 **I want to be with you too but I can't.**  
**Please don't tell anyone about me.**  
**I'll just leave.**

 **No!**  
**Please stay.**

Bekah went to Chas' comforting embrace and they kissed deeply. Chas sat on the bed with his legs over the edge and pulled her to straddle his lap. He ran his strong, warm hands over her slender back and shoulders. She raised up on her knees and tilted her head back as he caressed her throat with sumptuous, soft kisses.

He gently pulled her dress down and cupped her bosom to his thirsty lips. She sighed and moaned as he suckled at her warm, arching body. She gripped his soft, brown hair between her fingers and moved her hips into his straining erection. They kissed again and Chas slid his hands up her firm, long legs under her dress. He felt the silk of her red panties and squeezed her fit, undulating ass. She moaned louder and tensed at his forceful grip. She pulled away and grabbed his hands when he started to lift up her girly, blue flowered dress.

He let her push him back onto the bed and she slid down between his long legs.  
He sighed in frustration and covered his face with his arm.  
Bekah ran her hands up and down Chas' jeans and kissed the zipper covering his begging rod.

 ** _please_**  
Chas let out a breathy moan and sat up

he opened his belt and released his thick throbbing cock

Chas leaned back on his hands and lifted his hips 

she pulled his jeans down and lifted an ankle out 

she stroked Chas' straight hips and gently nuzzled him with her nose

his skin shivered at the hot puffs of air and he laid back again 

she gripped the thick base of his cock

her tongue flicked around his swollen head and she tasted his sweet pre-cum 

at last he felt her velvety mouth envelop his long hard shaft 

she ran her tongue up and down, slicking his twitching flesh 

she lifted his knees and spread them open 

she buried her face into his musky body 

she tasted every part of him, gently taking in each life giving orb 

she cupped him and explored his most secret sensitive skin 

Chas always opened himself to her unlike any other girl he'd been with 

he had developed a need that only she could fulfill 

his heart rate skyrocketed and he was dizzy with desire 

she plunged her hot mouth onto his slick shaft 

she took in his full long thick love 

he thrust deep into her massaging throat 

in and out 

faster and faster 

she took her lips to the very edge of his tip 

and pulled him back inside 

again and again 

Chas' head rolled back and forth and he pulled at the sheets 

she pumped her fist up and down and increased her rhythmic bobbing and sucking 

loud moans escaped Chas' heaving chest 

she swallowed him with deep hunger

her tongue circled and probed his tender opening

his whole body quivered in ecstasy 

he spread his legs wider

she slid a finger inside 

he cried out at the new sensation 

her hot wet mouth plunged onto his cock again and again and again

she curled her knuckle and pressed deeper and deeper 

she sucked harder and harder

**_I'm cumming!_ **

his whole body tensed and shook

she swallowed his hot load 

his love pulsed deep down her throat

cum dripped onto his trembling stomach 

Chas fell silent and his body went limp 

he flinched when she pulled out of him 

**Too much.**  
He sighed and caught his breath.

Chas sat up, lifted her into his strong arms and squeezed her tightly to his chest.  
**Can't you see that I love you?**

She wrapped her long, lean limbs around his sturdy frame.  
**Oh, Francis, I love you.**

Our gorgeous giddy lovers held each other in a timeless embrace.

Their souls soared above the clouds. .

Their hearts beat as one . . .

. . . . . 

. . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . 

. . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . 

. . . . . . . . . .

**_WHO ARE YOU!_**  
**_WHAT DO YOU WANT!_**  
Chas screamed and shoved Bekah to the ground!

 **Stop!**  
**What's wrong with you?**

 ** _HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME!_**  
**_WHAT ARE YOU?_**  
The 6'5" wall of muscle held the girl down and choked her with his meaty hands!

 ** _aarrrkkkghyarghfffwheeezz_**  
She gasped for air!

Chas' face flushed red with rage!  
He squeezed harder.  
**_TELL ME!_**

 ** _wwhhheeearrruhhhh_**  
Bekah clawed at his huge arms.  
Her face turned blue!

His rage turned to shock and he let go!

John Constantine sucked in huge gulps of air!  
Slobber sprayed out of his mouth as he convulsed and coughed on his hands and knees.

**_MOTHER FUCKER!!_**

Red and white exploded behind ConMan's eyes!

 _BLOOD_  
John Constantine's pounding brain alerted his body to the taste of danger on his tongue.  
His blurry eyes rolled open and he winced at the pain he felt when he lifted his face from the rug.  
He saw two huge black work boots.

Chas looked down at John/Bekah with a weary, blank stare.  
**Was it always you?**

**Yes.**

**Why?**

**I love you.**

**You're not capable of love.**  
**Why the dress?**

**It makes the glamour easier to maintain.**

**The sad thing is, I did love you.**  
**Still do.**  
**You're my brother, John.**

The last thing Constantine remembered when he woke up the next morning was Chas' boot slamming into his face and shattering his perfect nose. He peeled his broken, demented head off of the rug and committed himself to the Ravenscar Insane Asylum.

After years apart and lots of shock and non-shock therapy, the soul-brothers were still living unmanageable lives. Chas, needing to prove his manhood, rushed to the altar and fatherhood. He barely escaped that disaster of a marriage with his life. The legendary John Constantine did his best to destroy himself but the universe had other plans. Most notably, he successfully fought The Saint of Killers with Preacher Jesse Custer but ruined that friendship before it even began. Soon after, John resolved to get his best friend back.

 **I'm sorry John.**  
**I do miss you but what you did is unforgivable.**  
**I just can't get passed it.**  
Chas sat next to John in his cab in front of the mill house.

**What if you could forget?**

**Unbelievable!**  
**Using magic on me is what got us here!**

 **I'm not talking about magic.**  
**It's psychology.**  
**It'll only work if it's what you truly want.**

Chas shook his head and rubbed his eyes.  
**I can't believe I'm even considering this.**  
**Are you sure I won't remember anything?**

 **Yes, I'll make sure.**  
John squeezed his hands together.

Chas allowed Constantine to put him into a deep trance.  
He implanted a memory of their sleeping arrangement.  


John probed his friend's mind and pulled out all traces of Bekah.  
He replaced the memories of their nights together with platonic sleepovers.

John gazed upon his entranced ex-lover.  
He became Bekah one last time.

Tears fell from her warm brown eyes as she tenderly kissed her lover's cheek.

She whispered . . . 

**_I'm only a girl for you._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter.  
> I really wanted to put John in a dress.  
> Why? I don't know.  
> I think it's about his vulnerability.  
> He is like a delicate, precious child in danger to me.  
> Once again, sounding exactly like Ward Meachum.  
> Either I am molding them into what I desire;  
> or they are just my type.  
> Probably both.  
> Don't Call Me Francis is a famous party band in the Jersey area.  
> They got the name from the legendary Bill Murray movie, "Stripes".
> 
> *Oh yes, it's coming.  
> My two greatest loves are destined to be together, even if I am the only person in the world who wants it.  
> hmm, shall it be Wahn or Jord?  
> My kids like Jord - lol.


	4. The Face of GOE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes John Yes
> 
> WARNING:  
> Not for the easily offended.  
> Also, a little smutty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sooo SEXY!  
> A song of shivers  
> This live version is beyond:
> 
> "Sweet Jane" by Cowboy Junkies - Live in Liverpool  
> (The Velvet Underground Cover)
> 
> Sweet, sweet Jane  
> Heavenly wine and roses  
> Seem to whisper to me when you smile
> 
> Anyone who's ever had a dream  
> Anyone who's ever played a part  
> Anyone who's ever been lonely  
> Anyone who's ever been split apart

**Please, Dr. Constantine, no one else has been able to help us.**  
**Our Mother Superior sent me to you.**  
**She said your power is well known amongst the faithful.**  
**We can offer you this . . .**

Sister Agnes pulled a small, worn, wooden box out from under her white habit. Unable to look him in the eye, she turned her naturally lovely, pale face down as she slid the box across the table to Detective John Constantine. He made her feel very uncomfortable. She found the discomfort oddly pleasurable and kept her deep brown eyes focused on the table.

Constantine had agreed to meet with the young sister out of respect for the ancient order she represented but had no intention of getting involved. He was in no mood to deal with the Archdiocese or the parties these missions tended to attract. He was still quite determined to leave the dark arts behind him and cleanse his soul of the corruption he felt rising within him, which was keeping pace with the darkness rising all around. He feared his soul would finally be torn apart by the tug of war raging over his devotion, obedience and suffering. His spirit was depleted from fighting the forces that were constantly pulling him between heaven and hell, god and satan, angel and demon, light and dark. He needed to find peace somewhere, and it certainly was not in this young girl's dress.

Curiosity and greed forced him to open the simple box. Inside he found the skull of a serpent. He gently held the sharp relic in his palm and examined it. The bones were unnaturally cold, yet it emitted a powerful, sacred energy.

**Are you telling me this is "The Face of GOE"?**

**Yes.**

**How do I know it's not just the skull of a python from the zoo?**  
He caught himself teasing her and frowned.

 **Hand me your pen knife.**  


John placed the small silver blade between them, not knowing what to expect.

The nun gripped John's pocket dagger tightly in her fist.  
She drove it into her silky palm!

**Jesus!**  
**What are you doing?**

She held her stigmata up to the handsome, haggard hero.  
Innocent blood dripped down onto his glistening knife.

 **The teeth of the Eden Anguis cannot pierce the skin of an unsoiled woman who is pure of heart.**  
She offered her other palm to John.

He took her delicate hand in his.  
She shivered at his warm touch.  
John slid his thumb into hers.  
He grazed her soft skin with the fangs of her offering.

John drew in a deep breath, closed his stunning blue eyes and raised the ancient bones.  
She inhaled his smokey, masculine scent, closed her deep brown eyes and braced for the pain.

 **No.**  
John whispered through clenched, white teeth.

He rested the relic back into its red velvet casket and curled her unpierced flesh in his hands.  
Her heart raced from the anticipation or was it his loving touch?

John smiled at the pink rising in her cheeks and was drawn to her simple, naive aura.  
He pulled out an elegant, white linen handerchief and wrapped it around her wounded palm.

**. . . hmmm, it sounds like you have yourselves a drude.**  
**A nasty nuisance but there is a simple solution.**  
**I'm afraid it requires a blood sacrifice.**

 **Yes, Master David Sargent suggested such a ritual.**  
**The Church will not sanction a ritual of animal sacrifice.**

 ** _Master_ Sargent is it?**  
The mere mention of David's name made his demon blood boil. To be second choice to such a vile scumbag offended every mage in his lineage. His hackles rose and he plunged into the fight before it even began.

 **Looking for another way to skin a cat so to speak?**  
**Listen to me, he is no master and he is a very dangerous person.**  
**You mustn't let him near you or your Order ever again.**

**So, you will help us?**

**I have one condition.**  
**The Face of Goe must remain here.**  
**Sargent will do just about anything to get it.**  
**I know how to keep it safe.**

 **Yes of course Dr. Constantine.**  
**I trust you completely.**

He raised an eyebrow at the girl's foolish statement.  
ConMan discreetly slid the linen handkerchief, soaked with her powerful blood, into his pocket.  
**It's John, I'm no doctor.**

Constantine sent the girl away with his private number.  
He researched the rare demon infesting "The Divine Handmaids of Mary":

 _A drude is a demon that possesses virgins._  
_Young girls often confuse its painful and disruptive presence with the pains of puberty and are not even aware that they carry a demon._  
_A drude can temporarily detach itself from its victim and shape-shift into human form or a vaporous mist._  
_It typically vaporizes through cracks in doors and enters the victim's chest._  
_To escape a drude's possession, it must pass into to an innocent, tame animal and the beast must be destroyed._

John Constantine never much liked rules and the "rules" of the paranormal world were the easiest to bend, if not break.  
The next night he went to Sister Agnes with a plan.

**A drude will not let men or impure women come near it.**  
**Naturally, convents are their favorite hunting grounds.**  
**I want to fool it into taking its human form, typically an old hag, and bind it.**  
**Then I will plunge this anointed athame into its heart.**

She picked up the deadly dagger and looked at it with wide eyes.  
**How do we fool it?**

 **That's where you come in.**  
**Everything has a price.**  
**And you will have to be the one who pays.**

ConMan made his indecent proposal to God's blushing bride. They planned to tempt the drude to possess Sister Agnes. Once inside, it would find that she is no longer unspoiled and be forced out. Then John would be able to trap it and kill it.

 **Yes, I will.**  
**For my sisters.**  
She stood before him, closed her eyes, leaned her head back and opened her arms.

Our fascinating foreigner smiled at the girl's offering.  
He took her trembling hands in his and looked into her eyes.  
**I want you to get some rest and think about this tonight.**

The night was long and restless for them both. As John prepared for his ritual of sexual sacrifice he was nagged by doubts. Were these thoughts and actions his own or Nergal's? 

**_Don't John._**  
**_You know this is wrong._**  
**_Are you doing this for them or yourself?_**  
Manny stood on the table where the girl's blood had spilled.

 **Right on cue.**  
**I don't recall asking for your help.**  
**In fact, I don't recall ever _getting_ your help.**

 ** _Your doubts summoned me._**  
**_A part of you wants me to stop you._**

 **What's the alternative then?**  
**Just let those innocent women suffer for all eternity?**  
**Let Sargent destroy them and steal The Face of GOE?**

 ** _That's what this is about isn't it?_**  
**_An ancient, foolish feud._**  
**_You want to win, even if Agnes is the cost._**

 **She came to me!**  
**I'm only giving her what she wants.**  
**She is using me as much as I'm using her.**  
**Now get lost!**

The next night our little sister arrived at The Windsor as instructed and made her way up to the Presidential Suite. She still wore her traditional habit and thought in the back of her mind that perhaps she would just speak to the blonde stranger and retrieve the relic. Taped to the chamber door was a poker card. Black writing on its back said "use me".

She explored the dimly lit luxury suite. It was unlike anywhere she had ever been before. She ran her hands over the plush, richly colored couches, chairs and pillows. With each stroke her skin grew more sensitive. The room smelled of candles and roses, scents she often experienced in services but they never affected her mind and body like this. Her breathing quickened, she felt dizzy and held on to a chair.

John finished his drink at the bar. He rubbed the stubble on his jaw and looked at himself in the mirror behind the bottles. He tried to forget the notion of time itself. There was no future, no past, only now.

John stood outside of the suite and placed his cheek and palm on the door. He could feel her fear, surrender and excitement through the old wood.

Inside, our little sister sat down at the simple, elegant table and sipped her first champagne. She drank it way to fast and giggled at the bubbles tickling her nose.

She jumped a little when she heard music begin to softly play.

She stared wide-eyed at the dark, silent figure approaching her. John took the glass from her hand and finished the potion.

Her heart pulsed in her throat as he took her by the hand and swayed her clumsy, trembling body to the music. Her head and body were spinning on a glowing cloud of love as she floated over to the sumptuous bed.

Their eyes finally met.  
She felt the heat of his intense gaze and flushed pink against her white coif.

The dark stranger lifted her chin.  
**Say yes**

**yes**

**say it again**

**yes**

**say my name Agnes**

**yes John**

**I want you to keep saying yes unless you want to say no**  
**will you do this for me?**

 **yes**  
**John**

They continued to slowly sway to the music and he turned her around.  
**you promised me didn't you?**

**yes**

John ran his fingertips over the front of her headdress.  
**can I take this off?**

**yes**

Constantine gently removed the bobby pins holding her chaste head covering. He slid it off and ran his fingers through her soft, natural, brunette hair. He swept her hair to the side and gently kissed the back of her neck.

She let out a small moan at the touch of his soft lips.  


He ran his tongue along the edge of her ear.  


She felt lightheaded again and leaned against him.  


John ran his hands down to her swaying hips and hugged her to his chest.

**yes**

**can I kiss you?**  
his whisper made her shiver

**yes john**

She turned, tilted her trusting eyes up to his and slid her arms around his slender waist.  
He cradled her delicate, beautiful face in his hands and gently kissed her swollen lips.

**do you want to touch me?**

**yes**

**yes**

He leaned down for another kiss and opened his shirt.  
He guided her shy hands to his warm, soft, pale skin.

John gently gripped the heavy fabric covering her shoulders.  
**can I take this off?**

 **yes**  
**please**  
**yes**

He unfastened the intricate, modest dress and lifted it over her head.  
She trembled with excitement as she stood before him in her modest, white, undergarments.  
He dropped his shirt the floor and carried his blushing girl in his strong arms.

John gently put her down on the luxurious sheets and laid down beside her.  
He pulled her into his warm embrace, kissed her and slid his knee between her legs.

She tensed at the feeling of his leg parting her thighs.  
He pulled back his tongue and lips from hers.  
**you promised.**

 **oh, yes**  
**yes**

**do you want to feel me?**

**yes**

John opened his belt and fine trousers  
He slid her hand inside, over his white boxers  
She felt his excitement as they kissed again  
He rolled her onto her back and pressed his rock hard cock into her through their clothes

Their bodies ached and throbbed  
They kissed deeper and deeper, trying to climb into each other

 **will you take this off?**  
He tugged at the thick straps of her white, cotton bra

**yes**

He watched as she removed it  
John cupped her soft, untouched breast in his hot palm and gently suckled a pointed, pink nipple

 **yes**  
Her body trembled and erupted in gooseflesh  
**yes**

**are you wet?**

**yes**

**can i feel you?**

**yes**  
**please**  
**yes**

John kissed her neck and moved his hand down her pelvis, inside the modest cotton fabric

She flinched and cried out

**yes**

John slid his long magical fingers into her moist, pulsing core  
She was dripping and ready like only a virgin can be

**yes**

**can I take these off?**

**yes**

**yes**

He sat back and looked down at his ripe, trusting, thrusting girl.  
John lifted her delicate ankles to his shoulder and ran his hands down her quivering, white legs.  
He gripped her final shred of clothing.

**yes**

He lifted her hips and pulled the soaked cotton briefs off  
John moved one ankle to his other shoulder  
**yes**  
Her knees were pressed together  
He slid his fingers between her thighs  
**yes**  
slowly he spread her legs open  
she kept her eyes tightly closed  
**yes**  
John moved between her hot thighs and kissed the soft skin of her quivering stomach  
He ran his tongue in tiny circles over her pelvis  
**yes**  
she rocked her begging hips up to him  
John stretched out onto his stomach  
his throbbing cock pressed into the bed  
he kissed her pelvis  
**yes**  
**John**  
**please**  
**please**  
he teased her with the tip of his nose  
electricity tingled over her naked skin  
**oh ooh**  
at last she felt his hot tongue plunge into her innocent folds  
he slowly explored her deeper and deeper  
she was silky warm and wet  
**oh john**  
**yes**  
he lapped up her sweet juices  
**yes**  
John gently sucked her untouched swollen clit  
**yes**  
**yes**  
she cried out, frightened at the new sensations taking over her body  
**yes**  
she was losing control  
she thought she was going mad!  
**yes**  
she bucked into him!  
**yes**  
she gripped his blonde locks between her fingers  
**yes**  
her body clenched  
her thighs quivered and squeezed  
**yes**  
**yes!**  
**John!**  
she cried out in ecstasy!  
white doves filled her vision and she collapsed, smiling and sighing

****

John's erection ached  
He was desperate to relieve his painful desire  
He slid his remaining clothes off  
John laid on top of his dizzy girl  


**do you want to know?**  
**yes**  
she moved her foggy head up and down  
**are you scared?**  
**no**

 **do you want me?**  
**yes**  
she bit down hard on her lower lip  
they tasted her blood in their kiss

 **do you want me inside?**  
**yes!**  
**I want you John**

John pushed into her tight, dripping virgin cunt!  
he sighed and moaned!  
his stiff cock ripped into her!  
she cried out in delicious pain  
**yes!**  
**oh John!**  
**yes!**  
he plunged into her  
**yes!**  
harder and harder  
**yes!**  
**yes!**  
faster and faster  
**yes!**  
**yes!**  
**yes!**  
she gripped his shoulders and dug her short nails into his skin  
**yes!**  
she gritted her teeth and moved with him  
**yes**  
**John**  
they panted hard together  
**yes!**  
**John!**  
**_YES!_**  
our magnificent lover moaned!  
his body tensed and shook  
John's aura shot out into the room as he exploded deep inside  
his powerful energy enveloped her simple aura  
for a brief beautiful moment they were one

yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I feel like John Constantine has been screwing my brains out for days!  
> yes! lol  
> I might have to start smoking.  
> There's more to the story but I think this is a good place to stop for now.
> 
> Several nun stories are floating around in my mind and phone.  
> I had to get one out!  
> There is an ending to the John/dog story coming later.
> 
> Alright! I guess I really am Catholic.  
> I can always spot a writer who is Catholic and think "They didn't tamp that catholic down enough", "if you're not careful that catholic'll get out on ya". "I won't let that happen, besides, i'm not super-catholic."  
> And here I am.  
> Wonder why I love Preacher and Constantine and all things Keanu - lol!  
> It's tougher than I thought.


	5. Vile Vial (The Face Of GOE 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**Oh thank god!**_  
>  ** _I thought you were lost forever._**  
>  ** _Are you ok? Did I do something?_**  
>  He did not answer her.
> 
> Blood Sugar Sex Magik
> 
> Happy Thanksgiving!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song: "Blood Sugar Sex Magik" by Red Hot Chili Peppers
> 
> Step into a heaven  
> Where I keep it on the soul side  
> Girl please me  
> Be my soul bride
> 
> A state of sexual light  
> Kissing her virginity  
> My affinity  
> I mingle with the gods  
> I mingle with divinity
> 
> From her snowwhite throat  
> Fill a space  
> In which two bodies float
> 
> Blood sugar baby  
> she magik  
> Blood sugar crazy  
> She has it  
> Sex magik

A shock of pure energy radiated into the luxury hotel room. Healing light flowed through John's body from the head of his cock to his head to his toes and back again. Black diseased cancer cells began to disintegrate. God's love invaded the withering heart of his lost soldier, drew demonic darkness into ConMan's core and expelled it from his divine rod into her sacred, bleeding womb.

His powerful, tantric magic absorbed the girl's innocent essence and he felt himself rising. John's astral body soared through a warm, colorful plane of bliss and beauty. His corporeal body collapsed onto the former virgin in a lifeless heap.

 ** _Is it over?_**  
She asked after a few minutes pinned under John's empty body.

 _ **Did I do something wrong?**_  
She frowned in confusion.

 _ **Did I hurt you?**_  
She tapped and shook him.

 ** _Dear God help me!_**  
Sister Agnes started to panic and tried push him off of her.  
She punched the heavy, vacant husk and squirmed with all of her might.

Constantine hurtled faster and faster through the void. His arms and legs stretched out long and thin from his expanding naked spirit body. He was getting further and further from his mortality and began to morph into something strange, beautiful and terrible. Fear chilled his core as he felt himself melting into the cosmos. The defiled nun's claws dug and scratched into his flesh and small jolts of pain reached the piece of mind he had left.

He focused on the pain and plummeted down, becoming small again as he sank into his earthly form.

Constantine entered his bruised and abused beautiful body and sucked a huge gulp of fresh air into his healing lungs. His head spun from the unusual amount of oxygen invading his chest. The clean, cold sensation made him shiver and moan.

_**Oh thank god!**_  
**_I thought you were lost forever._**  
**_Are you ok? Did I do something?_**  
He did not answer her.

John propped up on his hands and looked down into her sweet, caring eyes. Even now she was full of love, forgiveness and purity. He was not touched by her kindness but instead felt a cold detachment. He sat up on his knees, still between her legs and removed an ancient, vile vial necklace from his neck. Agnes crinkled her eyebrows in confusion. She had no idea what she was supposed to do now, so she did nothing.

This centuries old relic was not holy but unholy, two words which John chose to ignore when it suited him. It was created for Vlad the Impaler, centuries ago. John came across the priceless piece of jewelry in the mansion of famous artifact collector, Russell Edgington, the 3,000 year old vampire who was infamous for eating a newsman's beating heart on live TV. Teen John was breathtaking and easily seduced Russell's partner, Talbot, to steal the necklace for him.

Her silent lover slid down her slick body and spread her thighs open. He gathered drops of the nun's powerful hymen blood into the vial. She was frozen in fear and confusion about what he was doing. John should have sealed the vial shut and continued the pleasant, romantic date he had planned for her but something came over him. He looked down at the relic in his bloody palm and gripped the unnaturally sharp knife dangling from the bottom.

The demon blood in his veins grew colder and poisoned the last of her warmth, light and love in his heart. John Constantine's mage instincts drove him to create an even more powerful blood potion. He took the small blade and opened a gash on the tip of his left middle finger and added his own tainted, mystical plasma to the dark magic concoction. John's insatiable demon desire hungered for the girl's purity and he thrust his long fingers inside of her sore opening. His darkness drove his hand deeper and deeper and her cries excited him.

Agnes was sore and stinging with pain from John's huge, stiff cock ripping her open. The innocent girl had no frame reference and had no idea that he was far above average in size, skill and experience. The girl's pure blood and fluids entered the gash on his tingling fingertip and crashed against the waves of his sinner's blood. He inserted the stolen razor into her pretty pink pulsing pussy and sliced a small cut into the silky membrane.

Agnes was overwhelmed with the conflicting sensations of pleasure and pain, fear and arousal, love and shame.  
Adrenaline and dopamine overwhelmed John's senses and inflamed his craven carnal cravings.

The shadow beast dwelling within him raged against the cage of his humanity. Nergal awoke with a vengeance and thirsted for the nun's forbidden, healing love. The creature had been denied this pleasure since its inception and sought to consume all of it. John pulled her cunt to his face and thrust his tongue deep inside. The taste and feel of her bloody juices and his own cum sliding down his throat made his cock swell and throb with more desire than even before. John relentlessly licked and sucked and drank at her quivering hot flesh, making his demon drunk. His animal desire rose and grew with darkness as he defiled the naive nun and consumed the pure core of god's bride.

Agnes squeezed her eyes shut and her betraying body bucked and twitched as she came again and again. The girl couldn't take much more and wanted the strange stinging sensations to end but didn't know how. She sighed in relief when he finally lowered her back down onto the blood soaked sheets. She didn't recognize the man she saw crawling up her body.

John's gorgeous blank blue eyes shimmered like ice. His fiendish face was smeared with blood and cum. His mouth tasted like copper salt as he slid his tongue into her moaning mouth and pushed his hard body into hers. The candles in the room flared and went dim. A heavy, cold wind and black light oozed into the stolen room. The scent of fear on her skin filled him with tormented desire.

Constantine was possessed by lust and driven to desecrate the last of her virginity. He pinned her shoulders down with his knees and rammed his fat, aching prick down her virgin throat. He had to fuck every innocent part of her. Tears streamed from her shocked, frightened eyes. John forced his thick cock down her convulsing throat and slammed her head into the headboard again and again.

The inexperienced nun struggled to breathe and her delicate face turned deep red. His passion was inflamed by the sound of her tortured, anguished gagging. In that moment she was not a person, she was nothing but a hole. The trusting girl started to lose consciousness from his relentless ramming and she prayed for the strength fight him. He finally felt her short nails digging into his skin and a spark of his humanity surfaced.

Nergal's tortured libido would not release its grip on Constantine's sinning soul. John managed to pull out of her throat but he was not moved by the sight of her tear stained, blood smeared, coughing face. He was filled with anger at the frustration of his unsatiated lurid lust.

Agnes gasped for air and her entire body trembled with adrenaline and exhaustion from fighting against the strange, seductive, older man. She felt the weight of his body shift from her shoulders to her chest. He gripped the white flesh of her breasts and squeezed them together around his slick cock. He pressed down and thrust into her flesh. Their bodies were slippery with spit, blood, cum and sweat. Agnes' head was ringing and spinning on the edge of consciousness. The rhythmic rocking of John's hips moving on top of her soothed her infantile spirit. Her mind drifted away from the bizarre scene and her tense muscles relaxed.

John felt her body and soul relent and another powerful orgasm vibrated through him. He moaned and bathed her tits and neck in his creamy lust. Hot white love milk pulsed and drained from his twitching member and dripped down onto the sheets. Constantine's head rolled back and his eyes rolled up as the last of his energy and seed flowed out into the void.

The sex master and his apprentice fell into a deep sleep on the alter of their depraved desire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex with John is never vanilla.  
> Exorcist, Demonologist, Master of the Dark Arts and Grandmaster of the Sexual Arts.  
> He really needs to update those cards. lol!
> 
> This was one of those chapters that just kind of appeared. It was like my mind was turned off or something.  
> When I type "John" I always seem to end up writing about depraved sex acts.  
> Like Ward, it's hard to stop sexing up on him long enough to get to the story.
> 
> I just discovered that Red Hot Chili Peppers song, I love it!  
> The AMV I made is a fav too.
> 
> Russell Edgington and his Talbot are two of my fav characters from True Blood. I was obsessed with True Blood for a long time. I only discovered it after it was finished but I really miss it.


	6. Pagan Chrism  (The Face Of GOE 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **_"Rockstar Johnny Di*khead strikes again!_**  
>  Ritchie sneered, pointed and cackled."
> 
> John and Agnes battle the drude.
> 
> Constantine becomes stranger still.
> 
> Sister Agnes becomes sweeter still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song: "The Wind Cries Mary" by Jimi Hendrix*
> 
> A broom is drearily sweeping up the broken pieces of yesterdays life  
> Somewhere a queen is weeping  
> Somewhere a king has no wife
> 
> The traffic lights, they turn blue tomorrow  
> And shine their emptiness down on my bed  
> Cause the life that lived is dead
> 
> And the wind cries Mary See the end of the chapter for more notes

The previous night back at the House of Mystery (HOM, pronounced home). . .

 ** _You've found yourself quite a little prize haven't you?_**  
Balthazar stared at the box on John's bookshelf containing The Face Of GOE.

**I'm keeping it safe from the likes of you.**

**_The Eden Anguis is a nice trinket but I was thinking of our little sister._**  
He turned and glided over to his favorite boy-toy.

 **She was just a messenger.**  
John lit a fresh fag.

 ** _You're protective!_**  
**_I think I'm jealous._**

 **What's the matter small fry?**  
**Don't have any mates to play with?**

 ** _I do, but they're all so dreary._**  
**_Flores, Urbina, Bishop._** * * *  
**_And the terrorists!_**  
**_Hideous and the stench is unbearable._**  
**_What I wouldn't take for another Ted Bundy._**  
The suave brunette raised an eyebrow.

**Bundy? What the hell are you talking about.**  
**What do you want?**

**_What does any lonely boy want?_**  
He stroked Constantine's sleeve and inserted the tip of his red silk tie between his perfect teeth.

 **How did you get in here?**  
The blonde P.I. yanked his tie back.

 ** _You invited me of course._**  
The suave demon went to John's table, bent down and licked the spot where Sister Agnes' blood had spilled.

 **I didn't summon you.**  
**Sod off.**  
Constantine went to his kitchen.

John Constantine's kitchen was well stocked but not with food. Every cabinet and drawer hid some sort of weapon, drug or magical item. It was also well stocked with booze, cigarettes and Tea De Forte Blue Lady. Whenever John felt homesick he visited the "Muffin Man Tea Shop" for a proper brew, British company and a tin. Nigel, the owner of the shop was an ex-pat from Kensington that John had helped out with an immigration mishap years ago.

**_Your doubts summoned me._**  
**_You fear this is wrong._**  
**_A part of you wants me to push you._**  
The tall, delicious demon appeared behind our blonde beauty and grabbed his delicate wrists.

John dropped his whipped cream dispenser, which he kept filled with a standard vanquishing potion.  
Balthazar pushed John against the refrigerator and pressed his long hard erection into the sexpot's lower back.  
He slid his hand around John's hip and felt the cock rock in his Berle trousers.  
Despite himself, Constantine's body flushed with heat.  
His head rolled back onto Balthazar's broad shoulder.  
He reached back to the ancient demon's luscious ass and pulled him in tighter.

 ** _mmmm, that's my bad little boy._**  
He breathed into John's ear.

A moan escaped John's throat and . . .  
the famous fox was gone!

John barely caught his breath before Manny appeared on his table. 

. . . John Constantine's sapphire blue, bloodshot eyes rolled open and immediately searched for a nicotine stick. His temporary, lovely, sleep amnesia lifted when he saw the red on his palm. He sparked the cig and looked at the ruined sheets. A jolt of pain ripped through his skull and he grabbed his forehead. When he thought he could bare it, he lifted his head and looked around the room for his date.

_Christ, I hope she didn't run. Let me fix it darlin'._

He saw her nun's habit still on the floor where he dropped it. He pulled on his knickers and slowly crept around in the dark, luxury suite. He saw a light under the guest bathroom door. John sighed in relief and sorrow. He drained a forgotten bottle of warm, flat champagne with a grimace and cleaned up the scene of the girl's murdered virginity. He rolled up the soiled sheets and stuffed them into his bag.

John went to the master bathroom and looked at his pale face and frail body in the bright light. He frowned at the horrifying bloody demon glaring back at him and ran to the sink. He washed off the sticky, cold, blood and juices which had once been so sweet and sacred. When he raised his dripping, heavy head, he was not alone in the mirror. Ghosts from his sordid past stood behind him like a maudlin, morbid school portrait.

 ** _Rockstar Johnny Dickhead strikes again!_**  
Ritchie sneered, pointed and cackled.

Constantine slammed his knuckles into the opulent mirror in anguish and the dark wreckage of his past scattered. Thankfully, the broken shards fell into the sink. John collected himself, drew a bath and put on one of the luxury bathrobes hanging on the door.

ConMan stood outside of the smaller bathroom and placed his cheek and palm on the door. He could feel her fear, surrender and confusion through the new wood. He easily opened the locked door and quietly stepped inside. She was lying face down on the floor with her body arranged in the form of a cross. He could hear her whispering an ancient latin litany. . .

 ** _Sancta Virgo virginum_**  
**_Mater purissima_**  
**_Mater castissima_**  
**_Mater inviolata_**  
**_Mater intemerata_**  
**_Virgo prudentissima_**  
**_ora pro nobis_**

He knelt beside her and put his hand on her cold, bare skin. She did not react to his touch and continued her chanting. John gently picked up the traumatized girl, and carried her frozen, naked body to the hot, soapy bath he prepared for them. He was careful not to disturb her meditative trance and pious prayers.

John got into the large, luxury, temporary baptistry with her, still wearing his robe and shorts. He leaned her against his chest and softly cleansed the contamination of his sin from her skin. Her holy whispering never missed a beat. The warm water amplified his magic and their deep psychic connection. His soothing voice joined her rhythm with his own litany . . .

 _{ {{ {{ { forget, sweetheart, forget } }} }} }_  
_{ { sweetheart, forget, sweetheart } }_  
_{ {{ forget, sweetheart, forget }} }_

John felt the last of her dark memories fade and she slept in his comforting embrace. Constantine dressed God's slumbering child and put her under a blanket on a red velvet couch. When she awoke, her fuzzy memory recalled an entirely different evening. She found a white silk dress, black lingerie, stockings and shoes. Their "new" plan was to entice the drude late at night, when the other sisters were cloistered in their rooms. John's "research" revealed that nothing was more delicious to a drude than a chaste, virgin's unsatisfied sexual frustration and curiosity. The rest of the plan was the same as before.

Sister Agnes blushed and giggled as she figured out how to put on the flimsy, silky under garments. She wobbled in her heels down to the bar to meet her date. John felt her come into the room, in fact, every man in the bar felt her come into the room and turned to admire her raw, playful sexuality. John turned and smiled with sad eyes at her awkward approach. He couldn't remember ever seeing anything so lovely before.

Her face lit up at the bouquet of freesia flowers ConMan had waiting for her at their table. The lovers enjoyed a romantic dinner and champagne. Agnes blushed at her naughty, secret, decadent indulgences. She felt like a real woman for the first time, not a silly, innocent girl. When it came time for their righteous battle, she was more excited than nervous.

**Ok Agnes, are you feeling alright?**

**_Yes John._ **

He cringed a little inside.

 **I am going to be with you the whole time.**  
He motioned to a dark corner of the old stone room.

She looked wide eyed at the darkness.

**Don't worry, I'm going to be inside too.**

**_Inside?_ **

Constantine reached into his pocket and pulled out a stone vial with faded, mysterious markings on it. ConMan "found" this medieval, holy ampulla in a long forgotten grave under the ruins of the Skellig Michael Monestary. The crumbling sixth century monastery still stands on a tiny island off the coast of Ireland.

It seemed like John only ever visited his green homeland to rob the graves of his ancestors. According to a moldy document he inherited from his great grandfather, the ampulla contained a portion of the chrism from the Moribund Pagan's St. Remigius baptism. It is said the holy, sacramental olive oil miraculously filled two vials when the pagan begged to be baptized on his deathbed.

ConMan doubted most of this fable but the myth did imbue it with definite power and it looked impressive, especially to devout Catholics. He opened the artifact and dipped his fingertip into the oil. He then anointed Agnes with a cross on her forehead and did the same to himself.

 **I am going to be here.**  
He put his fingertip to her head.

**_You are powerful with the divine spirit._ **

**It actually comes from years of practice.**  
**I will able to speak to you but the communication will be one way.**  
John walked back into the shadowy corner, leaned back into an oversized leather chair and lit a cig.

_Agnes, it's me John._  
_Don't be frightened._

She felt his overwhelming power invade her mind and body.

His quiet voice washed warmly over her senses and made her shiver.

_Nod if you can hear me._

She inhaled deeply and nodded.

John played music for his shy, awkward, tiny dancer.

The brunette beauty began her own dance of the 7 veils. When reading her bible in bed at night, she often imagined what that scene actually looked like. Agnes's head was spinning from champagne and John's sexual energy. John tilted his head and smiled as Agnes began her awkward, endearing dance of seduction. She danced for the safety of her sisters, for the poor souls who would suffer, for the glory of God, for love, for John.

_That's lovely Agnes._

As her body moved to the music, she relaxed and her inhibitions faded.

John's libido awoke and amplified her own dormant libido once again.

She flushed with hot arousal.

Constantine's mind and body filled with desire for her renewed innocence.

Agnes became increasingly bold and time had no meaning.

Demon blood burned and flowed into John's manhood.

The sweet flirtatious girl rocked her curvy hips in slow circles.

His huge, stiff rod strained against his belt.

He shook his blonde head and tried to focus.

 _You are doing great._  
_Keep going._

She glanced over at the tiny red glow of his cig in the darkness.

_I'll let you know when it's near._

His masculine scent and soothing voice made her feel safe and desired.

John's cock throbbed and grew despite his efforts to be a good boy.

Sister Agnes's fevered skin burned against her tight dress and layers of lingerie.

John dropped his cigarette and freed his hot cock from the prison of his pants.

She stripped off her clothes and caressed the black silk sliding over her sensitive skin.

Neither of the aching lovers could think.

Constantine breathed heavily and gripped his twitching pillar.

Agnes straddled the antique, white chaise in her heels, stockings and black lingerie.

John opened the miracle ampulla with his teeth.

The clips on her garter straps popped and snapped against the creamy skin of her pale thighs

He dripped holy chrism onto his long miraculous shaft

Agnes spread her knees wide and rubbed her dripping panties against the white chaise lounge

_oh yes Agnes_

his deep voice made her shudder

_just like that_

she moaned and stroked the black corset squeezing her swollen tits

_oh my pretty girl_

the amplified magic of their pulsing desire grew and bled through the ancient convent

John wrapped his long magical fingers around the base of his cock and slid his other fist over his oiled, sensitive skin

she pulled the top of her corset down and gripped her erect nipples

he rocked his hips and thrust up into his hand to her rhythm

she braced herself with her arms and rubbed her swollen silky clit against her soaked panties pressing into the cushion

_yes that's my girl_

John stroked his fists up and down, feeling the skin sliding back and forth

her skin tingled

_you're so pretty_

he felt the slick soft skin of the head of his cock and the rough skin of his swollen chambers

the dreaming divine handmaids of Mary, young and old, grew restless in their narrow beds

Agnes moaned and rolled her head back

John gripped his thick base and stroked his slick sensitive tip gentle and fast

he moaned and rolled his head back

_yes_

he stroked faster and faster

_I feel it_

_it's cumming_

_yes_

John's mouth hung open and his breathing grew deeper and deeper

it was as if Agnes's body was being controlled by his powerful mind

chaste handmaids fingered forbidden folds

_oh yes_

_yeah that's it_

_oh that's my good girl_

_yeah it's cumming_

she rode the couch like it was god's divine mighty rod

_i can feel it_

_oooh_

_it's cumming closer_

_yes_

_it's cumming_

virgins rubbed thier wet, swollen clits

_it's cumming_

_cumming_

_ooh_

sinful pleasures pulsed with power

_oh yeah_

_ooh_

her body convulsed and pulsed

John thrust up and his body tensed hard

she thrust down and tensed hard

he clenched his teeth

hot white cream shot across the room

Agnes cried out in a new ecstasy

Mary's handmaids quivered with simultaneous clenching orgasms

he sunk back in to the chair

his every muscle turned to jelly

her dizzy head hung down

everyone sighed as tremendous, pent up, denied desires and tension melted away

Constantine DID feel the drude coming and gathered himself up as fast as he could.

Agnes's legs were trembling and her mind was fogged.

She didn't notice the dense mist seeping in through the keyhole in the door.

Constantine shook his head and puffed out his cheeks with a big exhale.

He pulled out the anointed dagger and stepped in front of the door.

Its only means of escape was blocked by his testosterone filled male body.

The demon fog froze and shrunk away from ConMan.

He gripped the knife tightly in his slick fist and held up his other hand. . .

 **Hail Lilith full of Lust!**  
**Lustful are you amongst women!**  
**Reveal yourself to this man!**  
**Show your hideous form!**  
**I command you to take your earthly body!**

Agnes ran to a corner of the room and recited prayers in her flimsy demon hunting disguise. She watched in fear as the drude mist cloud became a fair maiden with long blonde tresses. The creature fell to its knees before John Constantine. The beautiful girl bowed her head and put her forehead to his dusty shoe.

John looked down at the cowering minor-demon.

 ** _It's just a girl!_**  
Sister Agnes cried out in shock.

Constantine looked into Agnes's eyes and kept his gaze locked with hers as he hunched down. He raised the glistening silver blade and plunged it into the maiden's back. Blood sprayed out from the drude's spine and stained his pale, stern face.

A vision of a bloody John crawling up her naked body shot through Agnes's mind with a blinding jolt of pain.

The frightened fog creature screeched and collapsed into a pile of ash.

 ** _mmmm, that's my bad little boy._**  
Balthazar's joyless laughter echoed through Constantine's tortured mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeez, John jerked off the whole convent! lol  
> talk about street cred.  
> I love thinking of new ways he can misuse relics.
> 
> It was fun imagining myself in his "shoes"  
> I can only guess what that feels like
> 
> I'm not sure if it's cannon, but I imagine Constantine's bag to be like Mary Poppins' bag. The House of Mystery is like snoopy's house too. (I'm sure that IS cannon). His super-luck ability causes the right things to be in his bag for any given crisis and can fit any amount of stuff he wants it to and it never gets heavier.
> 
> Prayer=  
> Holy Virgin of virgins,  
> Mother most pure,  
> Mother most chaste,  
> Mother inviolate,  
> Mother undefiled,  
> Virgin most prudent,  
> pray for us.
> 
> ***From the FBI's Most Wanted List (scary!)
> 
> I vacationed (holidayed?) in Kennsington, London once. The Muffin Man (lol) tea shop was next to our hotel and we had tea there almost every day - it was great. I've always been obsessed with the Brits.  
> 


	7. A Little Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Confusing John-John does another job.
> 
> A FlashFic Quickie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. Song: "Fuck Him He's A DJ" by Ke$ha
> 
> He's a stereotype  
> And he's building the hype  
> As he's feeding me his hot track
> 
> Fuck him he's a DJ
> 
> Now he's loving me up  
> With the bassline phat  
> It's an aphrodisiac  
> Just watching you like that

A few jobs back . . .

 ** _Oh no!_**  
**_I forgot all about you._**  
**_Sorry it just slipped._**  
Ms. held her short, red satin robe closed with one hand.

 **Guess you don't want me then, yeah?**  
The Confusing John-John stood in her open doorway.  
He held his battered magic bag in one hand and a frayed top hat in the other.

**_My ex suddenly decided to be a dad and took him to Disney._**

**Sounds like a real wanker.**

**_ooo, I just love your accent._**  
**_I've always had a thing for Sting._**  
**_He's a real feminist you know._**  
**_Please come in._**  
**_Can I get you anything?_**

 **Thanks luv.**  
**I need to call my lift.**  
**I'd murder a cup o' tea.**

Our lonely housewife of Terrebone Parrish led the smooth stranger into her kitchen and put a kettle on. John Constantine glanced at his new phone, stocked with exactly 3 apps: a compass, a flashlight and a translator. He then glanced at Ms.' legs and put his phone away.

 ** _How do you like it?_**  
**After . .**

Our bold british boy donned the top hat, pressed the divorcee against the kitchen sink and reached over to turn off the burner.

He leaned down for a kiss and reached for the sash on her robe  
His magic mitts slid all over her exposed warm, soft skin  
Her long, lean legs flew apart as she lifted herself onto the counter's edge  
Water flowed from the shiny faucet but water could not quench her thirst  
The mysterious foreigner dropped his fine black trousers to the kitchen floor  
The young divorcee tore the magician's bright white shirt open under his silky red tie  
ConMan took the horny housewife fast and hard on the kitchen sink  
Her pent-up passionate screams echoed through the empty McMansion  
She kept her eyes focused on the beautiful vision before her  
Her deepest fetish fantasies had become hot flesh  
Her tortured wet dreams about the strange sexy shaman had cum true  
At last he was here with his pants down, shirt and coat open under a top hat  
He was everything she had conjured in her fevered mind and more  
Every nerve and cell in her body and mind vibrated in mystical ecstasy  
Her eyes closed and her head rolled back as her trembling body went limp

 **Hey, you alright luv?**  
John kept her from falling into the sink.

Her eyes focused on his sparkling blue eyes but she only heard a loud hum in her ears.  
Constantine steadied her on her feet and made himself presentable.  
She reluctantly fell back down to reality and did the same.

**I like a little cream.**

====== _Epilogue_ ======

John slid into the front seat of Chas' cab.

**I'm going to buy you a drink mate.**

**_With what? I thought the party got canceled._ **

**You know me, I always get the job the done, yeah?**  
ConMan grinned and winked.

 ** _Again?_**  
_**Unbelievable!**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many of John's jobs are like this in my mind's backstory.  
> I realized, I should probably explain that a little before the next chapter.
> 
> The ConMan in my (dirty) mind often wears nothing but a top hat, white gloves, red tie, doc martens and holds one of those canes.


	8. Hot Buttered Bum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Confusing John-John screws up another job.
> 
> John Constantine catches a new case.
> 
> John, Nick and Happy! team up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. Song: "Xmas In My House" by Motion Man
> 
> ho ho ho ho  
> Oh yeah you a misfit  
> and now you wanna write a wish list  
> thinking santa gonna get it  
> and visit you on xmas  
> that's a big dream  
> with some distance  
> you're far fetched with your mischief  
> you could throw a hiss fit  
> you persist you'll be gifless  
> behave  
> no lip  
> get a gift  
> I always hang the mistletoe  
> cause your mom said I wanna kiss  
> after brandy eggnog  
> stand under the door  
> and lick lips

**Can't I ever just take a leak without some freak buzzing around?**

The sweaty, greasy, bony bucket santa standing next to John Constantine gave up trying to zip up his puffy red pants . . .  
**_Fuck you - fag!_**

 **That's the Christmas spirit I was looking for!**  
John snapped one hand out to his side. A small glittery lasso unfurled from his palm and looped around the fluffy blue neck of yet another fugitive from hell. He put the lasso between his teeth and finished his business at the stained urinal. The captured creature screeched and strained at the tiny, sparkly leash.

 _ **Hey cut it out!**_  
_**You gotta let me go!**_  
_**Wait, you can see me?**_  
_**Sir, you gotta hel . . .**_

 _pie foramen obtura_ . . .  
ConMan whispered under his breath as he swaggered through the loo door . . .

The tiny blue unicorn's comical mouth slammed shut and he thrashed around even more, trying to scream for help but it was like his mouth was full of super sticky taffy. John dodged slimy, sloshed santas and 4th. rate strippers as he dragged the bright blue fluff ball behind him like a rogue demonic balloon.

Constantine stepped out into the snowy night and ducked down an alley. He tied the BluNiCorn's tiny leash to a trashcan lid and lit a cig. Large, fluffy snowflakes floated down from the dark sky and nestled into the halo of blonde spikes glowing on our hero's head. He spread his feet wide, shook his lovely lean body and raised his arms to his sides. Silk cut dangling from his thin, pink lips; he chanted, made graceful circles in the air and conjured a small, fiery portal to hell.

He reached for the tiny horse . . . 

**_MOTHER FUCKER!_ **

_RED AND WHITE EXPLODED BEHIND CONMAN'S EYES!_

**_What the fuck are you doing out here with this fruit!_**  
**_I told you to find that ass-clown!_**

 _ **YAY! YIPPIE!**_  
_**My Big Beastie Bestie Nickey!**_  
_**I knew you'd come to the rescue!**_  
_**Like the _BRAVE SERIOUS DADDY_ you are!**_  
Hearts and rainbows exploded out of Happy!'s chest and danced around Sax's head.  
He batted the sparkling emojis away and they got sucked into the pit of hell, sealing John's portal.

Constantine winced at the all too familiar throbbing pain in his brain. Sax stood over the clobbered detective holding a cat skull in one hand and one of John's crumpled business cards in the other. John rolled over, propped up on an elbow and squinted up at his assailant. He saw the BluNiCorn sitting on the stout guy's shoulder.

 ** _You want to tell me what the hell you were doing out here satan boy?_**  
**_What is this?_** He held up the skull.  
**_Where are the kids!_**

 **Take it easy mate, yeah?**  
**That's just a focal point.**  
He managed to get on his feet and held his dizzy head.  
**Careful, there's a dangerous creature out here.**  
He pointed to Happy!

 ** _Hi there I'm Happy!!_**  
**_Oh I love making new friends!_**  
**_And a Canadian one to booot!_** A tiny drum kit appeared and he hooved a rim-shot.  
Happy! zoomed around the two half-drunk, dead sexy men leaving teddybears and cupcakes behind him.

**_Him?_ **  
**_You can see this little fucker?_ ******

**Yeah, now step away so I can deal with the unholy beast.**  
**Hang on, are you looking for a kid?**

 ** _We need to have a drink._** They said in unison.  
The newly formed Three Amigos went back to "The North Pole".

_===== A few days ago . . .=====_

The Confusing John-John! followed Mrs. Luskane into her kitchen.

 _ **I'm so sorry I forgot to tell you the party's off.**_  
**_You can wait for your ride in here._**

She started to make a fresh pot of coffee. John glanced at his phone and then at the young mother. _Cute, she's a little shy, this one._ He thought her cotton pajamas, slippers and terry-cloth bathrobe were sweet, something different. ConMan came up behind her. He put his hands on her hips and pressed his thin, pink lips to the side of her neck.

_**CRASH!!** _

The coffee pot shattered on the kitchen floor!  
She turned and . . .

_**SLAPP!!** _

John stumbled backwards in shock!  
He heard heavy footsteps enter the room . . . 

**_MOTHER FUCKER!_ **

_RED AND WHITE EXPLODED BEHIND CONMAN'S EYES!_

Constantine swam up through a soupy void to consciousness but kept his eyes closed. He focused on the voices nearby. He could hear at least 4 people talking. He learned the party had been canceled because the birthday boy had gone missing not because the kid's mother was "thirsty." He opened his eyes and found himself handcuffed to the kitchen table. John looked around at the empty kitchen and slipped out of the handcuffs. He grabbed his throbbing jaw and painfully rose to his feet.

_**How'd you get out here?**_  
_**Stop right there!**_  
A police officer stood up in the living room.

 **I'm a magician - part of my trade I'm afraid.**  
ConMan stopped and held up his hands.

Mr. Luskane got up and started towards John but the cop stepped in the way.

 **Hey hey, I'm sorry mate.**  
**It was just a misunderstanding.**  
**well, MY misunderstanding.**  
John held out the handcuffs to the cop.

 _ **Be cool man, focus on your kid.**_  
_**I don't want to have to haul you in.**_  
Mr. Luskane stepped back.

 **I just heard what happened.**  
**I'm so sorry.**  
**Look, I want to help.**  
**Magic's just a sideline.**  
**I'm really a private investigator.**  
**I find people and things.**  
**That's what I do.**  
**Please let me make it up to you.**  
John held out one of his P.I. cards.

 ** _We just want Danny back._**  
Mrs. Luskane took the card.

John joined the team looking for Danny and they filled John in on the case. The police were looking for several kids who had gone missing in the last few weeks. Each of the kids was taken at a holiday event. That morning, Mr. Luskane had taken Danny to the mall to get Santa photos while Mrs. Luskane got the house ready for the birthday party. While looking at the photos of the various abduction scenes, John got a strong psychic shock from one of the "Santa's Lap" portraits.

When he looked closely, he saw the shadow of a round, tall figure in the lollipop forest behind the Santa's big green chair. He stepped away, held the photo between his palms, closed his eyes and whispered _"essentia revelare"_

The photo burst into blue flames!  
Constantine yelled in shock!  
He dropped the photo and stamped out the unnatural fire on the Luskane's carpet.

He slid face first into the black slush on the New York street in front of the house.  
John always loved Christmastime in New York.

Constantine was certain that they were dealing with more than your average run-of-the-mill sicko. They had slim to no chance of finding, let alone, dealing with the demonic force he felt in that photo. There was no way he was going to let any more kids get hurt if he could help it. Job or no job, this was his case now. If it was a dirty demon Santa he was looking for, he knew where to start; home of the Hot Buttered Bum & Rum, "The North Pole".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pie foramen obtura = shut your pie hole  
> ssentia revelare = reveal essence
> 
> I wasn't sure if I was going to have any crossovers.  
> Then I watched Season 1 of Happy!  
> Like 2 episodes in, I had to stop watching to start this story.  
> I instantly wanted John and Nick to work together.  
> They are a perfect match!  
> I realize Happy! is not very popular yet (only 4 fics on Ao3!) but I have to follow my inspirado.  
> If you like Constantine for his twistedness - I def. recommend Happy! (Netflix).  
> I thought it was hilarious and original.


	9. The Box And The Machete (Constantine/Midnite)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pops and ConMan Get It On  
> How deep is your love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Inspired by "When Doves Cry" (1984) by Prince & The Revolution
> 
> Dig if you will the picture  
> Of you and I engaged in a kiss  
> The sweat of your body covers me  
> Can you, my darling?  
> Can you picture this?
> 
> Dream if you can a courtyard  
> An ocean of violets in bloom  
> Animals strike curious poses  
> They feel the heat  
> The heat between me and you
> 
> How can you just leave me standing  
> Alone in a world that's so cold?  
> Maybe I'm just too demanding  
> Maybe I'm just like my father: too bold  
> Maybe you're just like my mother  
> She's never satisfied  
> Why do we scream at each other?  
> This is what it sounds like  
> When doves cry
> 
> Darling, don't cry  
> Don't cry, don't cry, don't, don't cry

**_No! No! No! You can't 'ave both eyes!_**  
Constantine sat on the cold, damp pavement scowling and holding his phone to his bloody head.

_{{{ bloody scowl }}}_

**_You can go bugger your sister hell Midnite!_**  
**_Half that bloods' mine, yeah!_**

_{{{ bloody scowl }}}_

**_You just bloody better remember who you're fuckin' with, yeah!_**  


_{{{ scowling and jabbing his finger into the air }}}_

**_Oh la dee da, I seem to recall a bloody pitch dick crammed up my asshole pretty damn good, yeah!_**  
**_I'm good but I can't do that all on me own!_**

_{{{ frail chest heaving }}}_

_**WANKER!!** _

He squeezed the new-fangled phone in his frustrated fist and shook with rage!

A shocked blue-haired, old lady looked down at our hero on the dirty sidewalk and gasped!

**_Sod off you old bat!_ **

  


_Early morning that day . . ._

**News Reporter . . .**  
**". . . The rare Burung Dara Crowned Dove, a recent gift from the Haitian Ambassador, has flown the coop.**  
**Zoo keepers have high hopes that the exotic homing bird, named Dante, will find his way back home.**  
**If you spot the bird, seen here, authorities ask that you call the number at the bottom of the screen.**  
**Do not attempt to capture it.**  
**Our prayers are with 'Dante The Love Dove'.**  
**And now here's Chisel with the weather . . ."**

John Constantine snapped off his telly and peeled his hot hungover body off of the couch. He had seen a bird like that before. Some quick research revealed that the blood of the sacred Burung Dara Dove is a very powerful component used in voodoo, hoodoo and Santeria/Catholic or Regla de Ocha rituals. Due to the rising popularity of Regla de Ocha amongst American Catholics, the ancient species of dove was now on the brink of extinction.

Detective Constantine saw one of the creatures used in a blood-magic ceremony years ago. They were quite valuable and occasionally auctioned off at black-magic black-markets for obscene amounts of money. ConMan had to act quickly. A private sale to the right buyer would fetch the highest price. There were precious few of these buyers and Constantine's rivals would surely be on the hunt too.

He dug into his priceless, stolen, 2nd. printing of the magic encyclopedia, "The Golden Bough", and pulled out Volume 54. He looked up the best methods to capture one of the doves and packed various mysterious items into his bag. He took an uber down to the zoo that the bird escaped from. He got out and leaned into the window to talk to the giddy college student uber driver.

 ** _Not today luv, I've got some serious zoo business to take care of right now._**  
**_You can take me for ride later, yeah? *wink*_**  
He waved as the titillated teen blushed and drove away.

Constantine looked around the area outside of the old city zoo. He held out what looked like an antique compass and followed it to a large abandoned paper factory called Weyerhaeuser International Paper. Locals called it "The Wire Houzer". ConMan put out a few feelers and was pretty certain no one else was in the freaky building. Hopefully he could lay a quick trap and be out of there without a fight.

A bolt of energy _SLAMMED_ into Constantine!  
He was tossed like a ragdoll and slid face first into shards of metal and rubble.  
He rolled over and shot a fireball from his palm!  
It crashed into an invisible wall and exploded in a great flash!  
_Midnite_  
John sprung to his feet and conjured a fireball in each hand.

 **KANPE LA!!**  
**You know this is pointless English.**

**_You mean you know you're going to lose._ **

**Don't test me etranje.**  
**You'd be licking satan's balls in hell if I wished it.**

 ** _This is my trovey by right. You have no claim here._**  
Constantine's fireballs expanded and he widened his stance.

 **You dare speak of the _ut jam dominum non habeat._**  
**You have no respect for the laws of the gods or men.**  
**Your cheap repulsion tricks negate any claim you might have had.**  
Midnite looked down at the little lure Constantine was piling up on the factory floor and kicked the dried berries, twigs and pools of liquid.

 ** _Hey!_**  
**_I - I wasn't finished._**

 **The beast will never come to you, not without this.**  
He held up a glass ball containing a mysterious bright blue liquid.

 ** _Alright look, all we're going to do is frighten the tosser off._**  
**_There's plenty of chicken in the bucket for both of us, yeah?_**  
He waved his fireballs out with a flourish.

ConMan and Midnite made an uneasy truce and another one of their temporary partnerships. The two fashionable wizards put out their best repelling spells to ward off other rivals and built a better bird trap. Now they were faced with the hardest part, the waiting.

Our fashionistas cleared a spot on the factory floor and sat down.  
John took a big swig from Midnite's special Samaroli Demerara Rum.  
A big, warm grin spread across his striking face and he admired the bottle.  
**_Gotta admit, you've always got the top notch stuff, Pops._**  
He offered his own bottle of Two Birds gin to his drinking buddy.

 **Get that unnatural turpentine away from me.**  
**Its foul fumes pollute the air through the cheap glass.**  
Instead, Midnite took a pull on the rare, ancient rum and offered it back to John.

 ** _Suit yerself Oldman._**  
ConMan put the respectable British gin down and sampled the Samaroli again.  
Another bigger, warmer grin.  
**_Ssay, you wouldn't be tryin' to get me pished would ya?_**  
**_Keep ol' Daffy Duck to yersselfff?_** . . .

The strange, delicious, dangerous odd couple whiled away several hours waiting for Daffy. Neither the witch-doctor nor the mage were any good at being idle. John has just always been an "antsy-in-the-pantsy" kind of kid. Midnite always felt the burn of his divine duties to save his sister and free his people from the white-man's leash. They finished the Samaroli and moved on to the Two Birds. Their conversation naturally turned to magic, their shared obsession.

Like all old friends, they rehashed past adventures, including their battle with The Saint Of Killers. Midnite was certain that the serial-killer in Ted Bundy left his body when his secret demon was exorcised by their ceremony and wondered what became of it. John kept the information he had to himself. Even when he was in his cups he was too slick to be tricked into revealing any information to Papa Midnite.

 ** _Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with that Custer bloke._**  
**_If I could do what he does, I wouldn't be so miserable, that's for damn sure._**  
John's hazy thoughts turned to his last night with Jesse and wistful feelings started to well up.

**We must keep eyes on The PreacherMan.**  
**We haven't heard the last of 'im.**  
**None can be trusted with that kind of power, especially not a skinny white boy.**  
Midnite gazed at John's lovely pale skin and his hazy thoughts turned to Cuffee and his sister and more deeply buried feelings crept out of their coffins.

John Constantine and Papa Midnite rarely allowed themselves to spend so much time alone together. They've had a very long and complicated relationship since they met lifetimes ago. Of course John has gone through more lifetimes than the immortal Midnite. Papa loved John like one of his willful, infuriating children and had the longer view of their mystical marriage. The bonds of their matrimony were forged in the hell-fires of magic and power.

Their deep connection and coupling blossomed out of mutual respect and understanding. They were not conscious of it but their lives had run parallel and intersected countless times. The driving force in both of their journeys was the same. John was tortured by guilt and visions of Astra, the little black girl he killed and damned to hell. Midnite was tortured by guilt and visions of his little sister, who he killed and damned to hell. They were both children when they were tricked into committing these acts but deep down, the legendary mages knew that they were not innocent. Everything has its price.

ConMan and Pops lived on the lie that they would one day save the souls of those they sacrificed. In truth, the faithless magicians were empty of hope and resigned to their fates. The gravity of their sin and self-torture was constantly pulling at the violent sea of lies and love churning between them. They were the moon and the sun, the yang and yin, the light and the dark.

No matter what they did or desired, they always found each other. They shared a rare, beautiful, magnetic and frightening intimacy that was spiritual, sexual, intellectual and animal. It was a connection they rarely acknowledged but could not ignore.

**_. . . C'mon, tell me what getss you off the mosst about it?_**  
_**I never get to talk about it.**_  
_**Don't you get tired of hiding it all the time?**_  
ConMan sighed and dropped his shoulders.

 **I hide nothing.**  
**You never stop yapping, like a little stray dog.**  
Midnite rolled his bright white eyes.

 _ **I'm talking about how it feels so fucking good.**_  
**_The power, the magic, I want it to course through every cell in me body._**  
**_Consume me._**  
**_Rip me apart._**  
**_Those foolss out there are blind, sstill-born pupsss._**  
**_They can't understand because they've never come closse to touching greatness._**  
**_I'll sacrifice anything, everything, for more, again and again and again._**  
The maudlin magician sparked a cig and took a long dreamy drag.

John's hopelessly romantic heart began to swell and flushed his pretty face with pink. His feelings for Midnite reached deep into his threadbare soul and released his true sub nature. Like many adult children of abuse, his damaged psyche associated pain with love. His neglected inner-child constantly hungered for approval and affection. He punished people with his passion and a precious few could withstand its full force. His gaping lust for power raped the souls of those he loved and took everything they had. Constantine's love was thrilling and dangerous. He only knew that people died around him if he let them.

John stood and stretched and took a leak in a corner of the room. Midnite stretched his sturdy, stiff legs and paced around behind John. He stubbed out his cigar and pulled out his cocoa lip balm and gently spread vaseline over his full lips. John looked over his shoulder at him and felt more heat rush through his body.

**_Aww, iss that for me?_**  
**_And I didn't get you anything._**  
ConMan loved teasing the old geezer.

 **It's a black thing, you wouldn't understand.**  
He slid the cocoa butter tin into his pocket and sat down.

John checked on the bird trap and sat very close to Midnite.  
**_You gonna school me on your black thing then?_**

**Get away from me, you low-life cretin.**

**_Why doess everyone keep calling me that?_**  
He drained the last of the gin.

John slid his fist onto Midnite's thigh and opened has hand with his palm up.  
**_C'mon, give us a feel, you know you want to._**  
John's sweet whispers caressed and soothed Midnite's mind.  
**_I can feel you crawling around inside me already._**

Pops gently placed his palm onto John's.  
Their heads snapped back and a bolt of hot energy raced through every nerve in their hard bodies.

**You've been a busy boy.**  
**Your power has grown much but it is tainted with the disease of your sins.**  
**Most of it is stolen and the victims of your desire cry out for vengeance.**

John couldn't hear, see or feel anything except the heat vibrating through his groin and the blood gorging his every organ. He was instantly greedy for more. Pops' magic was unlike any other and he rarely shared it with anyone. Pops would never tell John but he only unioned with him.

John tried to think of a witty remark but gave up.  
He closed his sparkling blue eyes and let his mind float away.  
John dove deep into his senses.  
Energy tingled and danced over his soft, pale skin.  
Every hair reached for the heavens  
Midnite caressed the sensitive skin on the back of his hand.  
John gently gripped the luxurious fabric of the vintage Versace slacks stretched over Midnite's thick thigh.  
Pops flinched at Constantine's bold touch.  
He gripped John's wrist and pulled it off of his leg.

Constantine's pink lips curled into a mischievous smirk.  
_daddy wants to play_  
He swept Midnite's hat off of his head.  
The Confusing John-John twirled the old hat and made it dance on his fingertips.

 **It is not for your kind!**  
Midnite grunted and grabbed for the hat but ConMan was too fast.  
**Give it back you filthy fool!**  
ConMan was one of a handful of people who saw Midnite flustered.  
He terrified most people and they were wise to be scared.

 ** _So, it IS more than just a fancy bonnet then._**  
John raised an eyebrow.  
**_I know!_**  
**_Tradsies!_**  
In one smooth, quick, flash John straddled the big bad voodoo daddy.  
He looped his tie around Midnite's neck and plopped the hat over his blonde spikes.

Midnite wondered about that red tie just as much as Constantine wondered about his hat.  
They were overcome with each other's magic again.  
Their eyes rolled up into white and they laced their fingers together.

John's pickled brain buzzed and tingled.  
Synapses long ago damaged by booze, drugs and other vices began to mend.  
He felt his already powerful psychic abilities expanding.

The muscles in Midnite's torso became incredibly strong.  
The organs in his chest tingled and vibrated.  
His lungs, heart, liver and other abused organs began to mend.

A core shattering wave of warmth pulsed and grew in the space between them.  
John's mind reached out and probed into Midnite's dream center.  
He swam through the cold waters of fear and sadness towards a tiny desert island in the distance.

John emerged from the crystal blue carribean sea of Midnite's mind.  
He squished silky white sand between his toes and smiled.  
His perfect, pale, naked spirit body was warmed by an invisible sun.  
Beneath two towering palm trees, he saw the mouth of a small cave nestled in the green.

Midnite's healing heart throbbed behind John's tie.  
Hot energy radiated out to John's heaving chest.  
Midnite's heart reached for John's.  
He was submerged in the warm sea of love John kept hidden deep inside.

He needed to be closer and pulled John's white shirt open.  
John cradled Midnite's head and stroked his soft dark hair.  
He inhaled Papa's intoxicating primitive scent.  
Midnite slid his arms into John's shirt and ran his hot hands over his bony back.  
He pulled John's blossoming heart to his soft swollen lips.

power swooped in an infinity loop between their joined hearts

it moved faster and faster and spread through their bloodstreams

john moved his hips in small circles on midnite's lap

his undulating body charmed midnite's thick black python

it rose through his waistband and slithered up the front of john's trousers

john's own love serpent grew and pulsed in his pants

constantine craved more and held the back of daddy's strong neck and tasted his sweet cocoa lips

john stopped moving his hips for a moment

papa freed the english's aching white snake from its cage

a moan rumbled from john's hard yet soft tummy up through his chest and down into midnite's thick throat along with his tongue

the fire of john's deep desire ripped through him

he breathed through midnite and his child-spirit nursed at his immortal life force

demon whispers told him he would die if he severed this mystical umbilical cord

midnite's life-well was bottomless and he let john drink to his heart's desire

he stroked his soul-child's creamy white skin and squeezed john's tight round ass over his back pockets

midnite's spirit reached out and swam in john's radiating love

he was being pulled in by the seductive sexpot's all-consuming need

he gripped the fine fabric of the seat of john's pants and ripped them open

john heard his favorite valentino trousers tearing and sucked harder

he reluctantly broke the longest kiss ever recorded and feverishly opened papa's pants

they sighed and trembled when the soft, sensitive skin of their cocks kissed

fear and excitement rose with john's rock hard erection at the sight of midnite's dark daunting pillar

midnite pulled john in for another impossibly deep kiss and slid his lip balm into his hand

john swirled his finger in the tin, collecting all of the warm cocoa love butter

he slid his pale fist gently down his lover's growing, aching black cock

midnite grumbled and bit down on john's lower lip at the feel of him coating his sensitive skin

the magic racing around them grew and vibrated

a vortex of intense power spun around the sex magic lovers faster and faster to the rhythm of their pounding hearts

midnite hugged john to his chest

he was desperate for him

john gripped midnite by the back of his neck again

he planted his feet on the floor next to midnite's hips with his knees up

john closed his eyes and his head hung down

midnite lined himself up and slid the tip of his massive cock over john's quivering core, slicking it with balm

their dizzy foreheads pressed together

john's swollen red mouth whimpered and begged

he relaxed and his body opened for pops

at last john slowly slid his hot core onto the tip of midnite's massive shaft

pops stroked his lover's pale cheek

he gently encouraged john to slowly take in a little more and a little more

john scrunched up his eyes and let out a loud moan at the intense pleasure and pain

midnite shivered as he pushed deep inside

they became still and clung to each other in the pulsing power

they listened to each other's heartbeats

midnite twitched and grew a little more inside

the voodoo priest's long steel rod pressed into john's engorged prostate

john grasped midnite's strong arms and leaned back

his inner muscles contracted and pulled midnite to his sweet secret spot

midnite watched his lover squirm and moan at the warmth and pleasure radiating through him

john moved his hips back and forth in tiny motions and pressed his prostate down on midnite's shaft

john's throbbing cock stood untouched and twitched with continuous intense dry orgasms

wave after wave of pleasure crashed between the wizards

midnite was edging closer and closer to the brink

he thrust up into his lover faster and harder

john's cries echoed through the empty factory

the forgotten dove was drawn to the powerful nexis they had created

it swooped down and joined the energy swirling around them

john grabbed midnite's shoulders and took control

pops reached out and snatched the precious bird

the dark witchdoctor held an ancient dagger up to the screaming love dove

the shaman fought the urge to cut it

john's final orgasm was building

_**Do it!** _

**_. . . . .Do it!_ **

**_. . . . . . . . Do it Linton!_**  


midnite sliced into the flapping dove

black magic black blood spurted from its heart and rained down

 ** _Say my name._**  
He wasn't going to be able to hold back much longer.  
**_Say it Linton!_**

Midnite dropped the bird, pulled their foreheads together and looked into John's pleading eyes.  
**( ( ( ( j o h n n y ) ) ) ) / ( ( ( ( l i n t o n ) ) ) )**  
Their voices echoed through each other.

Our lovers embraced and convulsed.  
Time crawled.  
Their mutual moans shook the factory walls.  
Waves of bliss and love bathed them in warmth.  
Every hair follicle and nerve quivered in a new ecstasy.  
Midnite flooded his lover's insides with his creamy river.  
A geyser of cum erupted from John.  
Their mutual intense tantric orgasms shattered the earth.  
They cried out and bright warm light filled the room.

Love Magic  
~ ~ Sex Magic ~ ~  
~ ~ ~Trust Magic ~ ~ ~  
~ ~ ~ ~ Blood Magic ~ ~ ~ ~  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Soul Magic ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ are rarely practiced together. This 5-part ceremony is known as the Pent Divinous. Only a handful of people were ever able to conjure a spell so divine. John Constantine and Papa Midnite achieved this legendary feat the only way possible, organically and without intent. Papa Midnite's skill in voodoo trances and John Costantine's luck and synchronicity were just some of the secret ingredients required.

This unique union opened a new door for them both. They reached a new plane of existence rarely seen by humans. Their magic, power and souls expanded in ways they will never fully understand. John and Midnite held hands and floated on a cloud of ecstasy and bliss down to the little desert island with 2 palm trees. They laughed and embraced like children.

They appeared as they looked when they were 11 years old. This was the age that both of them had performed their first acts of true magic and stepped beyond the pale. The boys smiled at each other and fell to the sand. They dug into the white sand and found 2 priceless treasures.

Johnny pulled out a battered nesting doll and Little Linton held an antique machete. The boys reached for each other's secret power totems. They almost completed their "tradsies" trust ritual when Midnite started to come out of the trance. He transformed into Papa Midnite and towered over Johnny! He raised the machete and hacked down at Constantine's "box"! 

**_NOOO!!_**  
Johnny jumped back, bolted for the cave and disappeared inside!

Back on the corporeal plane, Papa Midnite snapped out of the trance. John's motionless body was slumped on the factory floor. They were both covered in blood and cum and grease. Midnite frowned when he remembered the blood sacrifice they made in the frenzy. He got dressed, smashed the Two Birds gin bottle open and carefully placed the bird's broken body inside. He gathered up his other things and snatched his hat off of John's empty head.

Before he stepped through the door of the factory, he heard a loud squeal. He shined a flashlight on John and saw a large rat flee into the darkness. He sighed and walked back to our helpless hero. Midnite grabbed John's elegant ankles and dragged him out to the sidewalk. A pained expression crossed his dark, handsome face and he took John's tie off. He tucked it into Constantine's hand.

 **Don't ever say I never gave you anything.**  
Papa Midnite faded into the darkness with Dante The Dead Love Dove.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew! That was one hell of a ride! I blame Prince. That song is incredible.
> 
> I bet you'll see John and Midnite differently now. I know I do. John and Midnite were my first loves. They are very important to me. My Midnite comes from Hellblazer, Keanu's film (Djmon Hansu) and the show (James Michael Shaw). I never think portrayals of him and his club are brutal and voodooey enough.
> 
> I see them as the 2 most powerful living mages. Sandman probably ranks higher but he is too out there and is he alive? Doc Strange is lower (yes I know it's Marvel - who cares). So, when they get together it is a rare and monumental event. imo of course. 
> 
> At some point in my John stories I guess I decided that he is a soul eater/life-force vampire. He can only do it with magical people though (Jesse Custer/Sister Agnes/Midnite). He gets back some of his life days. I also gave his tie a healing buff. He wears it all the time (esp. during sex) because it fights the diseases and cancer in his organs and makes him a little stronger. (i have some ideas about where it came from too). It's my way of taking care of him and keeping him alive forever.
> 
> when I was a kid, my dad worked at "the wire houzer" or weyer-haeuser paper factory in Philly.
> 
> Kanpe la = stop right there
> 
> etranje = foreigner
> 
> "antsy-in-the-pantsy" - lol! (I don't know if that's a saying but it cracked me up when I wrote it)
> 
> "pitch dick" - cracked me up too.


End file.
